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Monday, April 6, 2015

I'm not going to ugly cry down the aisle.

Confession: I'm an ugly crier.

I'm not kidding, its terrible looking. My face gets bright red, my eyes turn bloodshot and don't even get me stared on how big my mouth actually becomes when I'm heaving for breaths between sobs. Oh its bad, and I admit this.

I'd also like to admit a shit ton more sensitive than I thought I was. For example, last week I cried watching the ending of the Fast and the Furious 7, where they do the tribute to Paul Walker. I couldn't even help myself. But at least that was acceptable, because its sad as fuck that Paul Walker died and that the movie ended before Vin Diesel took his shirt off...but I digress.

I cry a lot. My recent list of crying episodes include (but is not limited to):
  • I cried because the Biore pore strip I used on Sunday was horrific looking and I thought I had nice skin. I cried in surprise at the shock of my surprise 27th birthday party.
  • The end of the movie 27 Dresses
  • I cried when I stubbed my toe last week. 
  •  How I Met Your Mother series finale.
  •  Star Trek: Voyager series finale.
  • I cried in happiness when I recently received receive a ballin' engagement present from my Phi Mu big sister, Shari. 
  • I cry every single time I drop my mom off at the airport.
  • I cry every single time my mom drops me off at the airport.
  • I cried because I know I need dental work and I'm scared
  • I cried because I know how expensive said dental work is and I want to spend money on my wedding.
  • I cried because so many of my sorority sisters are coming to a bachelorette weekend in DC because I'm getting married and I feel so spoiled/honored/elated/over whelmed by their excitement.
  • I cried because my venue doesn't want me to bring in an outfit vendor to provide the gold chiavari chairs of my dreams. 
Basically, I am the worst. Hot mess express.

So, because I cry all the time, it will be no shock to you that whenever the song I am walking down the aisle to comes on Pandora Wedding Station (aka the only Pandora station I listen to), I immediately start balling at the thought of walking down the aisle with the song playing. Just the opening notes give me the chills, followed immediately by tears welling in the eyes.

This cannot happen on my wedding day. Delicate, pretty tears, fine. But what happens now, #no. I am paying wayyyyy too much for a photographer to ugly cry my ass down the aisle.

So, as a result of my visceral reaction to this song, I am conditioning myself to NOT ugly cry, like Pavlov's dogs. I'm doing this by listening to the song at various times of the day, during various activities. Here have been my results thus far:

First time John & I heard it together:
We were in Home Depot duplicating keys (tres romantic). I started getting tears in my eyes and stated how much I love the song. Redneck lady behind us shouts, "AINT THIS THE SONG FROM TWILIGHT?!". I immediately give her the death glare and the tears stop.

Listening to the song in the car on the way to work the Monday after getting engaged:
Sobbing uncontrollably. Make up everywhere.

Listening to the song approximately 75-100 times since:

Listening to the song while preparing Easter dinner over this past weekend: 
Light, controlled sobbing.

So, see? I've had heaps of success controlling my ugly crying! I'm going to totally have this down by September, no problemo, a'ok, right-o. Just need another 300-450 listens. Yep, I CAN DO THIS.

I'll let you know how that goes.


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