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Monday, April 6, 2015

I'm not going to ugly cry down the aisle.

Confession: I'm an ugly crier.

I'm not kidding, its terrible looking. My face gets bright red, my eyes turn bloodshot and don't even get me stared on how big my mouth actually becomes when I'm heaving for breaths between sobs. Oh its bad, and I admit this.

I'd also like to admit a shit ton more sensitive than I thought I was. For example, last week I cried watching the ending of the Fast and the Furious 7, where they do the tribute to Paul Walker. I couldn't even help myself. But at least that was acceptable, because its sad as fuck that Paul Walker died and that the movie ended before Vin Diesel took his shirt off...but I digress.

I cry a lot. My recent list of crying episodes include (but is not limited to):
  • I cried because the Biore pore strip I used on Sunday was horrific looking and I thought I had nice skin. I cried in surprise at the shock of my surprise 27th birthday party.
  • The end of the movie 27 Dresses
  • I cried when I stubbed my toe last week. 
  •  How I Met Your Mother series finale.
  •  Star Trek: Voyager series finale.
  • I cried in happiness when I recently received receive a ballin' engagement present from my Phi Mu big sister, Shari. 
  • I cry every single time I drop my mom off at the airport.
  • I cry every single time my mom drops me off at the airport.
  • I cried because I know I need dental work and I'm scared
  • I cried because I know how expensive said dental work is and I want to spend money on my wedding.
  • I cried because so many of my sorority sisters are coming to a bachelorette weekend in DC because I'm getting married and I feel so spoiled/honored/elated/over whelmed by their excitement.
  • I cried because my venue doesn't want me to bring in an outfit vendor to provide the gold chiavari chairs of my dreams. 
Basically, I am the worst. Hot mess express.

So, because I cry all the time, it will be no shock to you that whenever the song I am walking down the aisle to comes on Pandora Wedding Station (aka the only Pandora station I listen to), I immediately start balling at the thought of walking down the aisle with the song playing. Just the opening notes give me the chills, followed immediately by tears welling in the eyes.

This cannot happen on my wedding day. Delicate, pretty tears, fine. But what happens now, #no. I am paying wayyyyy too much for a photographer to ugly cry my ass down the aisle.

So, as a result of my visceral reaction to this song, I am conditioning myself to NOT ugly cry, like Pavlov's dogs. I'm doing this by listening to the song at various times of the day, during various activities. Here have been my results thus far:

First time John & I heard it together:
We were in Home Depot duplicating keys (tres romantic). I started getting tears in my eyes and stated how much I love the song. Redneck lady behind us shouts, "AINT THIS THE SONG FROM TWILIGHT?!". I immediately give her the death glare and the tears stop.

Listening to the song in the car on the way to work the Monday after getting engaged:
Sobbing uncontrollably. Make up everywhere.

Listening to the song approximately 75-100 times since:

Listening to the song while preparing Easter dinner over this past weekend: 
Light, controlled sobbing.

So, see? I've had heaps of success controlling my ugly crying! I'm going to totally have this down by September, no problemo, a'ok, right-o. Just need another 300-450 listens. Yep, I CAN DO THIS.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Shed reveals how to be a great bride and even better bridesmaid.

Thanks to my funniest friend/fellow blogger/bridemaid Shed for taking over today. 

She's the best.

Hello! Bridesmaid Shed, here. I’m by no means as seasoned a bridal attendant as the {Not So} Single Girl, but I got married in 2013, and now I’m honored to be a member of our favorite wedding blogger’s bridal party. So, today I am going to teach you 5 ways to be a great bride, or an excellent bridesmaid!

1. Bridal party honors are not tit-for-tat. If you were in a friend’s wedding 10 years ago, and you don’t have the same relationship today, you do not need to ask her to be your bridesmaid. There is nothing wrong with that. Also, everyone’s bridal party is different. Some brides only have relatives as bridesmaids, while others have a mix of friends and relatives, or just friends. Some brides have no attendants at all. If the bride decides to have only her sisters or cousins in her wedding party, do not take offense even if you are close friends. Who comprises the bridal party is the bride’s decision.

2. Both brides and potential bridesmaids need to remember this: Don’t assume. Brides: Don’t assume that someone knows they are in your wedding. Potential bridesmaids: Don’t assume you are in someone’s wedding. It’s very important to formally ask someone to be in your wedding party. If the bride or the potential bridesmaid is unsure, it can create an awkward situation.

3. Planning a wedding is stressful enough; a bride does not want flaky attendants to make things more complicated. If you’re not sure that you can fulfill your duties as a bridesmaid, due to time or money constraints, be sure to give the bride a clear answer as early as possible.

If you are asked to be a bridesmaid, but ultimately decide that you are unable to, there are many other ways you can be involved in your friend or relative’s wedding. You can do a reading during the ceremony, you can act as an usher and help guests find seats, or you can escort a grandparent down the aisle. Your friend may ask you to give a toast at the reception. There’s an infinite number of ways you can be a special part of a wedding; just talk to the bride. She will appreciate whatever you two come up with, whether you help her pick out d├ęcor, or simply attend the wedding as a guest.

4. Bridesmaids, think of the bride as your boss, and you’re her employee during the wedding planning process. Hopefully you like the bride a little more than you like your boss at work! Either way, remember, the bride is dealing with a lot of stress, and needs you to help her, not make things more stressful. Be sure to occasionally ask, “What can I do to help?” She’ll be glad you did, even if the answer for the moment is “nothing.”

5. Also remember that you’re going to be part of the bride’s wedding memories forever. If you’re mad at each other the day of the wedding for some reason, she will remember that every time she looks her wedding photos. Speaking of photos, if you plan to make any extreme changes to your appearance right before the wedding, it’s best to make sure the bride is okay with it. She may love your new green ombre hair, but it’s always important to ask first.

Keep open communication with the bride, and the rest of the bridesmaids to make sure everyone is happy on the day of the wedding. Don’t be disappear and be unreachable. Don’t complain about the dress, shoes, venue, order of the processional, etc. You’ve been asked to be in this wedding because you are an important part of the bride’s life, and you should respect her choices. It’s her wedding, after all. However, you should be able to talk out any major concerns. If you can’t afford to go to Cancun for a bachelorette weekend or to buy Jimmy Choo shoes for the wedding, talk to the bride about it. Any reasonable bride will understand and help you work something out.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Sorry, Your Redneck Wedding isn't Elegant

Just own your what your wedding is. Stop pretending.

So, I belong to a Facebook group that is an offset of the popular WeddingWire forums. The group is used primarily for women reselling their used wedding items after their wedding. Its a great place right now if you love burlap, lace and DIY wooden signs (which is on trend with everyone's love of the rustic wedding). The group is an interesting assortment of women from all walks of life, having weddings of all themes, colors and budgets. Everyone is looking for a a good deal and the admins keep vendors off the page, which is pretty refreshing. I've never personally purchased anything but I enjoying see the posts from a fly on the wall perspective more than anything.

Usually, I keep my mouth shut when someone posts "like real" blue plastic roses or tries to sequin table runners for twice retail price, alas a post caught my eye over the weekend that I just couldn't ignore.

So many feelings about this post. I just could not even. Then shade got thrown. It happened. I'm not proud of it, but seriously, people need to just own their wedding choices and stop pretending to be something they are not.

The definition of Redneck is:

1. an uneducated white farm laborer, especially from the South.
2. a bigot or reactionary, especially from the rural working class.
Tell me what a theme with that definition looks like. It doesn't event make sense. Is the wedding on a farm? Will there be racial slurs in the vows? Banjos playing? Confederate flags?
Other group members encourages the original poster to elaborate on her "theme" ideas and she mentioned she was considering purchasing some items from the Oriental Trading Company Camo Wedding Collections.

WHY DOES THIS EXIST? Oh god. It hurts my eyes. Whatever. To each their own.

There is literally no way to have both a redneck and elegant wedding. There is not. Just no. And that is okay-- have your redneck wedding decorated in full camo print, but don't pretend its elegant.

The point of all of this is, if you're going to have a themed wedding-- own it for what it is. Don't tack on extra words because you think a wedding should be elegant, classic, timeless, fashionable-- whatever it is. Take your redneck wedding and own it-- whatever it is.

I'm totally guilty of this with the descriptive term Avant Garde. Most people don't even know what this means, so for those who don't, it means "new and unusual or experimental ideas, especially in the arts, or the people introducing them". I so badly wanted an avant garde wedding. I said it approximately 700 times when looking for a wedding dress. 

Let me show you what Avant Garde wedding dresses look like in practice:

 Can I just say that I am absolutely not looking to wear an Avant Garde wedding dress? In the end, I chose a wedding dress that was most certainly not Avant Garde, but was my style-- whatever that style is categorized as. I think I picked a unique, classic wedding dress that looks like me and reflects my style, but its a wedding dress....not something off a runway.

That said, nothing about my wedding is Avant Garde. I've accepted this even thought I regularly used the word to describe what I wanted in a wedding at the beginning. I'm learning to own the fact that I'm having a pretty traditional wedding, with a bit of my own flare, but you'll definitely know you're at a wedding...there isn't any experimental bikram ceremony yoga, a bridal march played by didgeridoos, no bridal party fashion show or otherwise off beat, Avant Garde aspects.

So, I stopped calling my wedding Avant Garde and owned it. Its my traditional, royal fairytale wedding. That's the theme. No better or worse than "redneck", but it is what it is. I'm not pretending its anything else.

Its your wedding, do what you want. Not everyone is going to love it. I will never be encouraging of including camo in a wedding, but that's what great about planning your wedding-- you get to do you! Whatever you want! Its your day. So do it. Own it and have no regrets.

But seriously, no camo.