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Monday, March 30, 2015

5 Reasons I Hate Talking About My Own Wedding

Discussing your own wedding planning is the worst.

For the better part of the last decade, I have dreamed, imagined, discussed, re-dreamed, planned a fairytale wedding. Because of my own passion for event planning, which magically enough, I managed to turn into a fairly successful career, and because I'm basically a professional bridesmaid, I have no shortage of resources, ideas and inspirations for my own wedding. You'd think, with all that buzzing in my head, that I would be super keen to discuss my own wedding plans at length with anyone who would listen.

But I don't. I literally hate talking about my own wedding plans. Here's why:

No matter what, I get deemed a bridezilla.

Even when I'm trying to be ironic, in conversation or on social media, I get accused of being a bridezilla. For example, I posted the following status regarding invitation stamps to Facebook on Saturday:

Like, okay, clearly it was in jest. It wasn't even a real point of discussion in our household-- it was quite humorous in fact. The result ended up in 24 comments, mostly from former or fellow brides saying "no one cares about stamps" or "you're so ridiculous to think of spending $200 on stamps". So, as usual, I am the unreasonable bridezilla. I own that name most of the time, but in this case, I really was making a joke.

Also, I'd like to note that $200 is not unreasonable for stamps, if you need 150 stamps, at 70 cents each. Paying a little extra for something glorious looking is not unreasonable. And yes, I do look at stamps.

I don't care that "nobody" cares about that detail. I care.

I guess this is sort of an extension of being constantly deemed a bridezilla, but I feel like in the world of Pinterest, many brides get caught up in details. Some matter, some don't. It actually doesn't matter if you think details are important or not, because its my wedding and I do care about them. Most recently, my grandmother told me that it was ridiculous to purchase table overlays for the ivory banquet tablecloths at our venue because nobody cares about tablecloths. Well, I do. And its my wedding. So we're buying champagne sequin and purple satin overlays. They're going on the tables and its going to make the white tent our wedding is in pop in opulence just how I want it.

Also, still trying to figure out who all these "nobody" people are. Case and point: I spend a little extra on my Save the Dates to buy purple monograms envelopes and printed oval glossy addresses labels with a violet and lavender frame. It was such a simple detail that many would assume "nobody" would care about. That said, I got tons of compliments on them.

People did notice. Sometimes they just don't know its the details they're noticing.

Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you 

You will always care more about your own wedding than anyone else, because, well, its your special day and you are spending a ton of money and time to painstakingly plan and host an extravagant, once in a life time event. It is a life consuming task that is part of your every day for over a year. Of course its important to you...but don't expect everyone to care that much.

I know that I care the most about my wedding, but that doesn't keep my feelings from being hurt that it isn't everyone's priority. Its hurtful when my already married friends don't inquire about my wedding or seem excited after I was in their wedding and planned all the "details" they have now deemed totally unimportant post-wedding. Its hurtful when family members aren't on board with your color theme or  bridesmaids don't want to wear gold shoes.

Because of this, I just don't want to talk about my wedding with certain people any more. They never have anything nice to say when I do, so why continue to get my feeling hurt?

I remember what its like to be the constant sounding board.

I've been a bridesmaid a lot. I love weddings and I love the smallest of details. And I am more than happy to listen to anyone and everyone's wedding plans. I've spend probably months, if not years, of my life in the weeds of wedding plans, listening, advising and having my hands covered in glitter and glue for days. But not everyone is that into weddings all the time.

I remember being a bridesmaid while I was going through a particularly shitty stretch of dating and temporary broke-ness (primarily due to flying around the country attending weddings). The bride was so wrapped up in the details of her wedding-- she discussed nothing else with me. She never asked how I was, anything about my life, etc. And I just remember thinking, "Seriously, can you just ask what's going on with my life, for once?!". This isn't unique to one person or one situation, really. The point is everyone cares most about their own wedding and its easy to get wrapped up in it. Its not intentional or evil spirited-- it happens to the best of us.

I really don't want to be that bride. I don't generally bring up the wedding unless they ask. Because I don't want my friends to feel like the constant sounding board that I was in 2013-- left asking, "why am I doing this? This person doesn't even care about who I am anymore. They just care about their wedding and what I can do for it."

I literally don't care about anyone's opinion.

I will preface this point with the fact that I have some amazingly supportive friends who are a constant source of support, positivity and sunshine in my life, no matter what the topic. I don't care to abuse those relationships with wedding banter, but I do get excited to discuss some wedding aspects with them at time. Its still fun and exciting to share, just not as frequently as I thought I would want to.

But, this is what it all comes down to-- I literally just don't care about anyone's opinion regarding my wedding. I don't care if my grandmother hates my color scheme. I don't care if my bridesmaid thinks that having pocket invites isn't necessary. I don't want to hear that no one is going to return an RSVP card. I don't give any fucks that someone on Facebook thinks spending a little extra on stamps is absolutely ridiculous. Sorry you don't think purple and gold is classy. Sorry that you don't think centerpieces add to decor. Its my wedding and I'm doing what I think is perfect for our day to make it the very best day. Everyone has their own definition. This is mine.

I encourage fellow brides to take these thoughts to heart as you plan your wedding. Not everyone will be on your side or share your excitement. Everyone has their own shit-- the wedding is your shit. No matter who the sourpusses are in your life, there will be amazing and supportive people who will want to hear about your life, including wedding plans. And its okay to revel in your wedding plans with your support system. Its okay to ask for advice from these people. Seek them out, but don't abuse them. Take advice others give you with a grain of salt. Remember, its your day.

Make it what you want without regreat, because you're the one who remember the ugly stamps 20 years from now.