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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Men of Plenty of Fish: You're doin' it wrong.

I am by no means a professional online dater.

Um, oh wait, yeah, I probably am by most standards. I've even written and published research papers about online dating during my collegiate years. I've been on just about every site and figured out just about all of their formulas for matching, and yet, no site has the ability to weed out the creepers, the grammatically challenged and the just plain bizarre.

In the past week, I've gotten some real winners. They're probably really nice guys in real life, but man are they creeps online, so I am happy to bring to you my top 6 "You're doin' it wrong" of online dating for the week. 

Multiple messages after a courtesy reply:


Guys, here's an online dating pro-tip...DO NOT SEND GIRLS MULTIPLE MESSAGES after no response or a "courtesy response". For those of you who are not into the online dating scene, a courtesy response is a short message that acknowledges a compliment but does not encourage any further conversation. You can see above, I said thank you for a compliment, without asking how he is or making any commentary on his profile AKA NOT INTERESTED. Yet, I got not one, but two replies, weeks apart, as if I might change my mind. Worse yet, the last message is nearly identical to the first, which means he probably didn't even remember he messaged me in the first place and sends the same damn message to every girl. Also, who says "Do you find me attractive?" Akwardddddddd.

MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS:



It doesn't matter what this dude says, I'm not replying. This is unacceptable. Please stop shouting at me.

Getting caught sending the same exact message to all women on POF:


 There are a lot of things wrong here, like his used name which is ENDOWEDinPhx. Was it necessary to capitalize ENDOWED. I feel like putting ENDOWED in your username is already a crime against online dating, but the capital letters take the cake. His main photo is a selfie of him "sleeping"....ummmm. I don't need to explain why this odd, right? Getting back to point, he's trolling the shit out of POF. I've actually gotten this damn message from him several times prior to these two and never reply..rinse and repeat. Copy and paste is not your friend, gentlemen of POF. 






POF is NOT Craigslist:

Once again, repeat message dude without any replies on my side. I suppose I should be flattered? I might've been if he didn't ask if I WANTED TO MAKE A QUICK GRAND. To get a girl to respond to your dating website messages, I suggest not implying her that she is a.) a prostitute of some sort; b.) incapable of identifying an ideal mate on her own c.) only worth $1000--PUH LEASE. What is this world? Is this real life?

I REPEAT: POF is NOT Craiglist


Does this work on anyone? Asking a random chick to come over. Not a hello, not a how are you? Not even a compliment? Just this. Guys, women like flattery or free drinks, at least put a tiny frickin' bit of effort into this dating thing. That's all I'm asking, a tiny bit of effort before trying to sleep with me. This dude's profile is totally normal and his pics are pretty damn good-- WHY do men think its okay to use the guise of the internet to let their inner creeper out.

The guy you use to date, but he blew you off, and now he's back:


The story here is: I went on a great first date with this guy back in March. He wanted to take me out the day after we met and then blew me off. Then proceeded to blow me off two more times with bullshit excuses or just complete non response. I finally just stopped talking to him because he couldn't commit to a single thing and that's usually an indication someone is JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. And here we are, in July, and he's back. WHY? He didn't even really have a good reason, then I had the above convo with him which pretty much sealed the deal on how very few fucks I give about him.

Conclusion

I need to stop dating online. Or anywhere. Ever. Maybe move to a different city? Start clean on the dating scene. Or get me some cats. Admit defeat.


10 comments:

  1. I think you should move to a new city. It starts with a "B" and ends with an "erlin."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Most of this is because you are talking to people in az. I second marielle's comment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like to read your shit on here pretty funny..


    BUT


    What the fuck makes you gods gift to dating? I mean you're really not that hot. And you act like you nailed the dating game down pat. For gods sake you act like some stuck up snobby bitch, post these shots of you trying to look all hot and wonder why affliction wearing douche bags and pimps solicit you?!? You been online dating forever now I have seen you through the years and even though we never have conversed once I am pulling the plug on your blog. I know you wont give a fuck because half of Scottsdale wants or has gotten in your pants... Keep sipping them martinis and trying to get free drinks outta guys classy..


    You will regret the ultra cunt ego when your clapped out and 45 looking like your 60 and still single trying to school us guys on how dating online is done..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey bro, wanna go on a date?

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    2. LOL, great response! I bet for a second, he thought, "Really? Yeah! ...Wait a sec..."

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. I have no idea why I read this, nor how did I arrive at this blog. Its one of those random cruising the internet never knowing where you are going to end up type of things.

    But I have to say that if this is 6 worst guys you can shame, it looks worse on you than it does on them. I mean you are using at least ten year old pics, assuming that your G+ ones are more recent, and picking on guys who are probably just ... relationship challenged. Desperate, lonely guys.

    Yet, odds are that if you did meet them, they would turn you down on sight. Is that what prompted you to do this? Somebody came to meet you and told you the truth upon seeing you in person?

    Online dating is just a game. Just like offline dating. There are usually lot more guys than girls, and they all want good looking girls (actual good looking, not fake ex-good looking), so, for Betas like guys you chose to name and shame here, its a waste of time to spend too long on girl you do not know that might not be interested in you as they are used to being turned down.

    Just like women like you are used to being turned down by guys like me. Its nothing personal. But if you want a guy, you will have to settle, just like those guys will. Make friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ^This guy thinks he's not a beta…hahaha.

      Delete
  5. This girl is kinda full of herself. On the mans side I wish POF has some type of reminder telling the man that hes sent a message to the broad already. Plus, the reason why men keep sending multiple messages is because we think you didn't read it because we know that there's too many thirsty dudes out there sending you tons of emails so we keep sending them until you respond back. And you cant be vague in your response and say a simple "thank"..you have to say "thanks for the compliment however I'm not interested". And if the guy is a gentleman then he will leave the broad alone.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This girl is kinda full of herself. On the mans side I wish POF has some type of reminder telling the man that hes sent a message to the broad already. Plus, the reason why men keep sending multiple messages is because we think you didn't read it because we know that there's too many thirsty dudes out there sending you tons of emails so we keep sending them until you respond back. And you cant be vague in your response and say a simple "thank"..you have to say "thanks for the compliment however I'm not interested". And if the guy is a gentleman then he will leave the broad alone.

    ReplyDelete