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Monday, July 8, 2013

Manic Monday: Anyone for mini golf?

SGIEWW is officially back from summer vacay.

While I wish I could say I was vacationing and living lavishly, sipping champagne and eating caviar in a huge hat in the Hamptons, I was actually boiling in the lava pit that is currently Phoenix. 

I must say I am shocked and amazed at the amount of emails, comments and snapchats I received, demanding new blog posts and expressing immense concern for my well being in the greater dating community. A lot has happened recently, both good, bad, ugly and heart breaking, BUT DO NOT WORRY, I am still single and ready to mingle and the blog WILL go on. More on all that trauma later, let's kick off this Monday with my latest dating debauchery.

Recently, I haven't been taking dating very seriously. I let my Match.com emails build up for weeks. I forget to change my photos on OkCupid. I give out fake phone numbers at the bar (which is better than my dear bestie who drunkenly gave HER MOTHER'S number to a total creeper the other night-- but mad props for quick thinking). Right on par with not dating seriously, I decided that I would spend the last month going on ONLY mini golf dates with men. Drinks? No. Drinks and mini golf? Yes. See how this works?

I don't know where the idea came from. I don't even like mini golf that much, but I was so bored of the same bullshit dates with the same bullshit guys, I had to take matters into my own hands around the time of my last blog post. My whole world was changing, perhaps something constant in my life would help me out.

And so it began. 23 mini golf dates. 

I could review each one, but it wasn't really about the dudes so much as a social experiment on what happens when you play the same mini golf course repeatedly for a month. The first few times, it was nothing exciting, except that I was so terrible I lost my ball on Scottsdale Road because I hit it so hard. Apparently gentle finesse is the name of the game. Very impressive for the men I was with, surely. 

By date number 10, the cashier was recognizing me and starting to put together what I was doing. It took until date 15 (which dates 10-15 occurred over 3 days aka multi-mini golf games in one day) for the weekend cashier to realize what I was doing and start laughing hysterically upon arrival. 

Date 15 rode the bumper boats with me too. Bonus points for him. 

By date 12 or 13, I was also getting unusually good at the Crackerjack mini golf. Crackerjack is this teeny bopper entertainment place with go karts and an arcade and mini golf, so the mini golf course is full of weird obstacles and uneven surfaces. If you've never played it before, its pretty hard, even if you play actual golf. 

I think date 14, I played my best round and had about 4 hole in one's and was well under par on every hole. I was pretty impressed by myself and immediately started talking mad shit to the guy I was with while simultaneously whooping his ass at mini golf on a Friday night. I am obviously not an adult and he's obviously a cry baby, sore loser because he never talked to me again afterwards. WHATEVER BRO.

The bottom line here is, I just went on 23 dates to play mini golf and 17 of them are still speaking to me on a regular basis (or sending me unsolicited dick pics in the wee hours of the night). Of the 17 of them, I am interested in seeing 3-5 of them again (which some of them got the DOUBLE dose of mini golf in a month). 

ZERO of the 23 questioned why I ONLY wanted to play mini golf and nothing else, even if it was what we had done on the first date.


And we wonder why I'm single.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHA Oh my gosh, I am dying. I HATE mini golf, but this is hilarious. You go girl. Tweeting this so that everyone can enjoy the ridiculousness.