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Thursday, July 11, 2013

I lived the most pathetic day of life last week.

I can't even on my life last week.

If it was going to go wrong, it absolutely did, including when my fairly new car ATE MY CAR KEYS while the car was running, like would not turn off, would not release the keys, ON THE FOURTH OF JULY in 114 DEGREE HEAT. Yeah, that day was awesome.

But if that doesn't take the cake for the worse frickin' situation, what happened the Tuesday before the 4th of July certainly was. It was literally the most pathetic day of my entire life.

I play sand volleyball on Monday nights in Old Town Scottsdale which is like, 30 minutes from where I live, so I usually stop at the grocery store and gas station on my way home since I go right past Walmart (They have cheap organic veggies, take your judgment elsewhere). I was particularly sweaty and sandy so I hurried around Walmart getting what I needed, fitting right in with the rest of the people of Walmart-- yeah, that's how fab I looked-- and got the hell out of there. Although my little gas light indicator was about to flicker on, I decided against stopping for gas and opted to drive home on empty. I can always get gas in the morning before work.

So, I drive 20 miles home on empty. Flash forward to Tuesday morning, I pull into the gas station and reach in my purse for my wallet. IT IS GONE. GONE. I immediately start sweating profusely and freaking out. Drive home, tear apart my apartment, my car, all things. NO WALLET.

At this point, I'm super late for work. So, I get on the phone with Walmart (the last place I can really remember my wallet since I paid for shit) and start driving to work. I am still swearing profusely because I'm having a nervous breakdown that my wallet is gone and I have the AC off in my car to save gas and its 102 degrees at 7:30am in Phoenix. Finally Walmart sorts out their life and THEY HAVE MY WALLET. Thank god. PRAISE JESUS. Seriously. I was so thankful.

Only at the Scottsdale Walmart would a wallet get turned in untouched.

So, that's great. I have located my wallet containing all worldly possessions and all access to money, but I'm driving on fumes to work which is conveniently on the other side of town from the Walmart and, as I said, I am already 30+ miles into driving on empty.

So, I have no gas, no wallet, and therefore no money for gas, and I'm now at work. My choices are to ask someone to drive me 30 minutes away to Walmart OR ask to borrow $20 from someone for gas. The only people surrounding me are co-workers. GREAT.

So, in the end, I asked my intern to road trip with me for my wallet. I bought her ice cream to thank her. But really, it was the most pathetic situation ever.

I didn't have enough gas in my car and no money to drive myself to Walmart, so I had to have my intern drive me there. Certainly a humbling and very low point in my existence on earth.

Just kill me now.

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