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Monday, April 8, 2013

The Return of Manic Monday: Sometimes I get bored and start drama with my College Ex

The Return of Manic Monday: 

Sometimes I get bored and drama with my College Ex

Oh my goshhhh...its been forever. Neglecting my blog. Apologies. Seriously, I have been so busy and I was seeing someone, so I wasn't trying to screw that up. But now its over and he'll become a Blog Celebrity sometime this week. All bets are off once you're an asshole.

Speaking of assholes, its been a while since I stirred up any trouble with my College Ex, but sometimes I get terribly bored in my life and I feel the need to catch up on his life via Facebook, which almost also results in a Facebook chat resulting in an overly sarcastic conversation and me getting all huffy and puffy. Why do I do this? Because I am psycho ex girlfriend and I just can't help myself.

So, last week, I was bored of reading vampire books and having #workchat mixed with a healthy dose of #weddingchat. I noticed College Ex had something posted on his wall by some chick who may or may not be his girlfriend (they're intensely on and off again, therefore she is absolutely "some chick). The post was regarding Star Trek, which is something that College Ex introduced me to when we were living together in college. Star Trek Voyager is a masterpiece, that is for sure.

I couldn't help but comment with something along the lines of "Oh, I'm glad to see College Ex got another one of us into Star Trek. Its the best!" TOTALLY INNOCENT.

Minutes later, she comments, "Hey College Ex, Random people now commenting on my wall posts to you, I should start my own fan club, haha!!!!"



So, I got irrationally upset about this which led to me stepping outside and then bitching at College Ex for approximately 15-20 minutes about not defending me to this gutterslut thing trash talking me. This is NOT the first time she's attacked me about something on Facebook (I believe the first time was regarding feminism, which is clearly not a topic you want to debate with me). 
Of course, College Ex quietly took it while I berated him because really, once I'm riled up, there isn't much stopping me. He learned that plenty of times in our relationship. Needless to say, I'm still a crazy ex girlfriend and he's still the push over he's always been. Some things never change. 

Anyways, to conclude, I'd also like to offer a short list of the reasons this on and off again girlfriend is ACTUALLY the random and I am ACTUALLY sticking around forever, so she best get use to me stat.

1.) I know all of College Ex's deepest, darkest secrets. Highly doubt she does.
2.) I spent a long time living with College Ex. He couldn't tolerate living with her for 2 weeks.
3.) College Ex's family lives in the Everglades and flies a confederate flag. They don't go for ethnic. 
4.) No one ever forgets their first love. Ever. Ever. Never. SORRY I'M NOT SORRY.
5.) Ummmm...would you want your boyfriend to be friends with his ex who's as cute as me? Nope.

Am I an asshole? Yes. Is she? Certainly.

Was this necessary? Yes and no. It certainly satisfied my cravings. Nom Nom DRAMA NOM.

Goodnight my bitches!


  1. Absolutely. My entire blog is satire. I am not a crazy person.

  2. your blog is on reddit front page, about 7000 people think you're retarded fyi :) how old are you?

  3. NO WAY! Yeah, I know. I'm actively participating in the reddit discussion in fact.


  4. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

    Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

    Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

    Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

    And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

    Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

    Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

    It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

    And even begging to be with you.

    Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

    Thanks again.