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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

WTF Wednesday: Don't agree to being a Bridesmaid if you don't understand what it entails

I'm about to be Bridesmaidzilla and POP OFF all over the web.

Shut up. I know I've been MIA but I'm busy and tired and unexciting at this point in my life. I do have some exciting dates and events and stuff coming up, including introducing you to my new car, which is now doubling as transportation AND boyfriend for the time being. But its is pretty...but more on that later.

Right now, I'm about to POP OFF (circa season 1, Bad Girls Club) on a bunch of bitties who think they rule the bridesmaid world. This week has been particularly interesting because almost every wedding I am in this year required some sort of financial commitment from me. Dresses, hotels, flights---the list goes on. Its stressful on me but I don't complain, I just deal. Some others are not quite as tactful. Truth be told, I am the ultimate bridesmaid (duh) and everyone needs to stop acting like bitties and grown up.

Here it is, straight up, the TOP 10 rules of being the best bridesmaid: 

1.) Don't order your bridesmaid dress too small. Just buy what fits now. You aren't going to loose 25 pounds in 12 weeks. 

2.) Being a bridesmaid involves a fairly large financial commitment. If you cannot do it financially, do not agree to it. It messes everything else up and makes the bride feel guilty. Kelsey's and Amy's wedding is going to cost me a total of approximately $6,000. I'm willing to do this because I've been given the honor to be Maid of Honor and your best friends only getting married once. I'm doing it happily because that's what I signed up for. I knew it would be pricey with me living in Phoenix, across the country from the Midwest, and now I will eat Ramen until September. This is an expensive venture for everyone, so prepare yourself ahead of time and if you cannot do it, don't stress everyone else out because of it.

3.) Don't expect the Bride to pick up the tab because you're a broke ass. This is really just an expanded rant from above. I don't care if you're a student, unemployed, rich, ugly, whatever---don't expect the Bride to pay for your dress, hotel, hair, whatever. She has a wedding to pay for and you agreed to the financial commitment (see above). Then when it does happen, be thankful. Actually THANK the bride.

4.) Explain to your wedding date the importance of them being at all of the wedding events they are invited to, like the rehearsal dinner. It costs money PER PERSON, so if someone says they'll come (or if you commit to a wedding date even though you have a 0% chance of ever having a boyfriend), you better have that person there. Your bride is gonna be realllll upset if she paid for your date who didn't show.

5.) If there's a group expense, make sure you're ready to pay back whoever might be fronting the money, or let them know when you'll be able to pay, THEN ACTUALLY PAY THEM BACK WITHOUT THEM ASKING. Remember, if someone is fronting the money for a limo or hotel or booze, they're doing you a favor since you don't have to pay up front from your paycheck and don't have do a damn thing but show up. So, do them a favor and pay them back.

6.) Don't cause internal bridesmaid drama. Nobody wants to be the problem child.

7.) Don't jeopardize your friendship with the bride by being the problem child. She's under stress. Nod and agree, even if you don't like it. She will get mad and boot your ass.

8.) Do not bitch about the dress. If the bride asks, you may gently explain your opinion. Do not use words like--- hate, ugly, bad fit, horrid, vomit. Even if you hate the dress, NEWS FLASH: it ain't your wedding. Don't bug the bride to go try dresses on with you and pad your self esteem--GO do it, find your size and order your dress in a timely fashion. You may not know this, but every bride has a timeline of when things should happen...she can't check the boxes and move on until you cooperate. Stressed bride = miserable life, so suck it up and STOP COMPLAINING. 

9.) The Maid of Honor is the bride's right hand woman. If you're a bridesmaid and the MOH sends out a bulk message with direction on ordering shoes or plans for the bachelorette party, do not go behind her back and ask the bride if this is what she REALLY wants. There is a 98% chance that the MOH has already discussed this in depth with the MOH. The MOH's duty is to help the bride with the nitty gritty details and pick up the slack, like making sure everyone has shoes for the wedding. Don't create double the work by rehashing everything. Obey the Maid of Honor....bottom line

10.) If I'm the Maid of Honor and you're a bridesmaid....if I have to get on an airplane and fly somewhere to POP OFF on you in person and knock you back in the bridesmaid line...I will be very, very angry with you. You will feel Bridesmaidzilla wrath for a long, long time.


Happy Hump Day!

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