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Monday, March 4, 2013

Manic Monday: She's Backkkkkkkkkkk

I'm backkkkk!

My life is basically a disaster. This isn't your fault...it might be my fault...but I think its just the stars starting to align for me and creating mass chaos in the mean time. I could give you the long version of where I've been, or I can give you a list! Yes, a list! One of my favorite things on earth. Here's the top 5 things that happened to me since President's Day weekend when I disappeared and thought I may never surface from these events.

1.) I work a day job and it ruins my life.

Seriously, working is misery. I like my job and the people I work with, but by 3pm, I'm just god damn over it. I need a nap. I need sugar. I need to do my laundry. When do people who work 9-5 find time to do their laundry? I cannot get use to it to save my life. I shouldn't bitch about having landed my dream job, but OMG, work is so inconvenient to my overall lifestyle. Maybe one day I can go back to staying awake past the hour of 9:00pm again. 

2.) I went on SEVEN dates over the long President's Day weekend.

After my first week of work, I was rewarded with a lovely 3 day weekend due to President's day. I never knew this was a non-working holiday since my former employer was a crazy ass slave driver. Because I was decidedly done with all men I had been dating, I decided to go on a dating rampage over the 3 day weekend. I managed to line up 7 dates over the 3 days, including with two dudes I met at Sandbar on the Saturday night (the original goal was 5 date but that bumped me to a record 7). I would say something about all of them but they were nothing notable except for some dude named Billy who wears a diamond beveled Rolex and picked me up in his Porsche 911. He's in Switzerland skiing for two weeks, so more on that to come. Overall, no disasters, lots of food and drinks and approximately zero potential.

3.) I went on vacation and two men got into a physical altercation over me.

After President's Day weekend, I promptly left on a trip to Miami, followed by a 3 day cruise with my parents (I'll take it!). I got to spent time in Miami with my sorority Little, Marisol, which was amazing. I also got to spend time with my mother, which is obviously also amazing most of the time when she's not being a parent and stuff. Since my parents are old and go to bed early, I was left to my own conventions after the hour of 9pm each night on the cruise. I took this opportunity to make as many friends as possibly while drinking the greatest possible number of pina coladas. I promptly inserted myself into a Bachelor Party that was aboard. Long story short, two of them were into me, I was flirting with both of them because I am a menacing Siren of the Sea, they got mad at each other, one grabbed the other's neck aggressively, the other kicked the neck grabber in the balls....and I promptly left the bar with an Estonian guy who spoke 3 words of English....and proceeded to spend the rest of the weekend making out with him. Hot + No English = Perfection....although he did kiss me right on the lips in front of my parents at breakfast on the last morning. I was so embarrassed and then they teased me the rest of the day. Bottom line: great trip.

4.) Wedding Tour 2013 is quickly becoming a reality.

Upon returning from my vacation, I realized that I need to start ordering bridesmaid dresses, booking flights and planning bridal showers for the many weddings I am involved in. Calculating just flights alone, I will be spending more than $2100. Thrilling. I guess I'll need to start cutting back on martini now to save up for these extravaganzas. I'm not complaining, just thinking ahead. I'm actually a really good friend and a GREAT bridesmaid. I've got some baller plans for showers and bachelorette parties. I just keep telling myself, your friends only get married once, do it up, do it big for them...money comes and goes, but these girls don't.

5.) I try to hate Brandon #1, but I just can't quit him

The main reason I've been MIA is because I've been trying to sort out my romantic life. After the 7 date weekend, I basically never wanted to go on a date again. I'm just tired of it. Tired. Tired Tired. And I don't have time for it. And most of all, I just can't stop thinking about Brandon #1. Prior to 7 Date Weekend, I got pissed off at him because we play games and go back and forth, never can get on the same page. When I'm interested, he ignores me. When I write him off, he blows up my phone trying to adore me.

Its dumb. Its childish. I don't know why we do it or why I continue to participate in it. But I do. I just can't shake the feeling that he really is the guy, OF ALL THE GUYS, who I should be with right now. After I called out his ridic behavior and went on 7 dates, he spent the next two weeks blowingggg me up. I finally forgave him and went out to a movie with him Saturday. It felt good and right and I think he felt it too. But we'll see, the last time these emotions aligned, we blew up and didn't talk for months. Failure.

I wish I could quit you. Brandon #1.

So, that's it...in a manic nutshell. Everything's a mess. I'm a mess. My laundry needs to be done. Life is moving forward in the most inconvenient way it could be, but at least its going somewhere these days.Back to regularly scheduled programming. KTHNXBYEEEEEEE.

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