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Monday, February 11, 2013

Manic Mondays: Rogue Ass Groomsmen


Sorry, blog reading friends, I am miserable and stupid at blogging once again. So much is happening in my life that I cannot keep up better yet blog about it. I started a new job today in the industry and position that I've always wanted to; however, returning to work after a year of working from home and then 2 months of being unemployed and sleeping til noon makes working an 8-5 job with a commute a really big lifestyle change aka pure exhaustion because I have to join the normal grind. Boohoo. Y'all feel bad for me, I know.

Anyways, today was my first day. I think everyone hates me. I ate lunch alone. This is like the first day of school all over again. I went through six outfits this morning trying to look cute and professional, but not too showy and not like I'm trying to show off. The CEO is this hardcore bitch, who I am so enamored with. She is the Regina George to my Cady. I would do anything for her to love me. This is my life now.

I also started with a personal trainer a couple weeks ago and he is working me damn ragged 4 days a week in addition to my own sweet cardio routine. My body is thanking me for this by gaining 2 pounds. REALLY? REALLY?

All the men you heard about. Yeah. I got rid of them all. I just can't right now. Its too much and I'm already cracking its been one damn day.

Next week, I'm going on a cruise to the Bahamas. MWHAHAHAHAHA. SUCKERS.

Let's get to the real point of Manic Monday....Rogue assssssss groomsmen. Amy has been dealing with the groomsmen dilemma for months now. The original groomen party was Tyler (Jrod's brother), Compton Ass Arms (Jrod's HS buddy) and George (a psycho who once tried to steal my bra and hump a lamp, also Jrod's Marino's coworker).

The first to go was George. He was a crazy fuck to begin with. Like seriously, out of control drunken behavior but he did have some great dance moves...something between Mick Jagger and the Bernie. It really was amusing in a terrible way. On Coldpantsmas 2011, he took his own pants off and threw them into the snow. Not allowed. Anyways, he was a poor choice to begin with and when Jrod got promoted, he lost touch with George (also I believe George insulted Amy while drunk and then never talked to Jrod or Amy again...but not sure on that story).

So, George got replaced with Adam, who is the husband of one of the other bridesmaids, Aimee. A wise choice if you ask me, because Aimee is on top of her shit and won't let Adam slack off like groomsmen do.

Next to go was Compton Ass Arms (or John for those who prefer proper names). He's a crotch rocket riding, protein drinking, iron pumping Hulk wannabe to begin with. The first time I met him, Amy and I got incoherently drunk and sat in the "Compton Ass Clubhouse" (a little swing set in Jrod's parents' backyard) because we HATED him so very much. SO MUCH.

He and Jared have lost touch since last year when he got asked to be a groomsmen. Amy messaged him to inform him when the tux rental and rehearsal dinner would be held. He said he couldn't commit to coming to anything before the wedding. Are you joking??? Nothing??? Failure. So, finally, he backed down from his groomsmen position do to the fact he doesn't call or text Jared ever OR want to be a part of anything involving their wedding. 

So, John was replaced with Bogdan. Funny story, Bogdan is Amy and I's friend...not really Jared's BUT Bogdan is a dependable lad and Jared obviously chooses the shittiest groomsmen ever.

Does it end there? NO.

Jared' best man, Tyler, has a mountain man beard. It is socially unacceptable, but especially unacceptable for Amy's upcoming very expensive and very classy wedding photos. I don't think its out of the question to ask that he be clean shaven for the wedding, but every time its brought up, he becomes more and more adamant that the beard must stay. This even once culminated in tears over dinner...and no, they weren't Amy's tears. Le sigh.

In the mean time, I am trying to coordinator a bachelor and bachelorette joint party for August, where the two groups party on the beach all day and go separate ways for the evening. Generally the bachelor party is planned by the Best Man, so I contacted Tyler about it. And Amy contacted Tyler. 

And he ignored both of us. Looks like I will also be the Best Man in this wedding because the groom's OWN BROTHER can't even live up to being a best man. Considering was a gem Jared is, all those douchebags are seriously fucked up. I love Jared to frickin' death and he is really the best man for my best friend. I don't understand why even his own brother doesn't appreciate him.

Bottom line...Rogue ass groomsmen make wedding planning a pain in the ass for EVERYONE. Bridesmaid don't act this way (hopefully), why do groomsmen? Why it is necessary to cause extra stress? If you are fiscally unable or really busy with stuff, don't agree to be in a wedding...its pretty damn simple.

GAH. It felt good to get that off my back.

I love you, Jrod, and I'm prepared to be your best man as well.

1 comment:

  1. Dying. Oh my gosh, this is HILARIOUS! My best friend is getting married in October and I hope to God she doesn't have to deal with this. I especially love the nickname "Compton Ass Arms" I LOLed for real.