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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

WTF Wednesdays: Guys, we need to talk about dick pics really quick.

At the risk of being raunchy, we need an intervention.

Guys, NO GIRL WANTS A PHOTO OF YOUR DICK.

I repeat.

NO GIRL WANTS A PHOTO OF YOUR DICK.

Not now. Not late at night. Not ever.

Welcome to WTF Wednesday. I've got some real spit and vinegar over this topic. Last Friday night, I went out like any normal 20 something year old but was in bed fairly early because I like to work out early on Saturday mornings and not waste my life as I did for most of the previous years of my 20 somethings.

On Saturday morning, I woke up with THREE photos of dicks. THREE. These photos came from three guys, who are not guys I am currently dating...they certainly were not solicited by any means. I haven't talk to ANY of these gentleman in quite some time. I swear I'm like Dickerella. Clock strikes 12, every random guy I've ever met in my life sends me a photo of his junk.

I do have some repeat offenders. We have the guy that Amy and I refer to as "Naked Selfie Guy" who repeatedly sends me random and unsolicited photos of him flexing nude in his bathroom. He is a friend of mine...a good friend actually. We have no romantic relationship and yet, his drunk ass thinks this is a wise decision. I also have some sporadic repeat offenders, like this guy I know through my sorority sister, Jenna. I actually don't even know the guy personally, just by association, and I get the occasional dick pic. I also have this guy, Tim, who I dated WAY back in March. We don't talk any more AT ALL, but occasionally there it is. I never reply, he never sends an actual text. I don't get it.

So, gentleman, I just want to let you know what I do when you send me a dick pic.

1.) I laugh to myself.
2.) I copy it and immediately send it to Amy and Jared. Everyone loves a surprise dick text.
3.) I copy and send a bulk message to my "Dick Pic Sisters" group in my contacts. This group consists of a variety of my sorority sisters who also find dick pics hilarious.
4.) We make fun of your peepee for HOURS on end by group text message.

This is the truth. This is what we do. We make fun of you. I don't find it sexy. It doesn't excite me in anyway. I just make fun of you with alllllll of my friends.

Bottom line....please stop. Not just sending to me, but to all women. We don't like them. We don't want them. Your penis looks like ALL other penis on earth. There is nothing unique. None of them are good looking or attractive, so just stop.

Please and thank you.


2 comments:

  1. So very true. I've been sent a few in my life and I usually respond with a critique - "looking a little crooked there" or "Prince Harry's is much nicer." I don't understand the male desire to want to photograph their privates and distribute. On the bright side, if any of these men run of public office, you can make bank by threatening to expose them (so to speak).

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