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Friday, December 28, 2012

The holidays are mostly over so let's countdown the top 5 awkward holiday moments.

You missed me. I know it.

So, once again, I've been caught up in the frenzy of a trip to Chicago and POOF, I disappear. Its terrible but hey, I'm basically famous and a lot of people love me so I get real busy. The truth of the matter is, my mother hogs my time with many commitments because she loves me a lot and I love her so I do them. We're two peas in a pod and I cannot deny that to her during the holidays for sure.

In true Grinch style, I kind of hate the holidays. I like giving gifts but hearing repeatedly that I am intensely difficult to buy presents for is very depressing because either a.) no one knows me at all or b.) I'm a spoiled brat who has every thing on earth. The answer is most likely B which is also very sad for me. As always, I cleaned up pretty well this year with a variety of fun as well as useful presents including costume jewelry, a round trip ticket to Costa Rica, new luggage, a 4 day trip somewhere warm in February, money, gift cards, massages, candles and oh so much more. I am spoiled, I know. Shhhh.

So now, let's count down the top 5 awkward holiday moments this holiday season, in the spirit of entertaining you with my disastrous life.

1.)  There's snow.

I don't really need to discuss this. Snow is miserable, no matter how little of it there is. My mother recently bought a brand new car that I've been driving during my visit home but I'm terrified to drive it in any sort of moist conditions, such as snow. Its really putting a damper in my plans, lettmetellya, because it snow like every 65 seconds in Chicago. Snow not only binds me to my home, but it also ruins my hair style, makes my toes cold, gets my shoes dirty and overall sucks. Its not awkward...it just sucks. Period. This is why I live in Arizona.

2.) Your family discusses your recent weight loss repeatedly.

 As we all know, I lost a fairly significant amount of weight since last July. Most of my extended family hasn't seen me since last Christmas, with the exception of a few who saw me in the beginning of my weight loss. Needless to say, they were surprised and felt the need to repeatedly ask me awkward questions about it...like "Don't you just have so much more energy?" UM NO, I SPEND TWO HOURS A DAY IN THE GYM WORKING MY ASS OFF LITERALLY. I AM NOT MORE ENERGIZED. I FEEL LIKE THE DEATH. I understand they're trying to be supportive but perhaps have the first six times I mention how uncomfortable they're making me, they'd stop. But no...because I am from a family of pushers who push and push until you freak out.

3.) Someone in your family gives you a way nicer gift than you give them.

Its a damn good thing I had 80% of my Christmas shopping done prior to getting laid off, because all of those people got ballin' presents. The other 20%, sorry...I'm poor now.  I generally just buy a little something for my mom's boyfriends kids and they generally buy me nothing. Like, never, in the 15 years of my mom and her boyfriend being together, have either of his kids ever purchased me a present. I figured this year would be like every other year. Amy suggested I purchase them a can of soup each, but I wanted to get something a little more substantive. I picked up some beer for his son, because he's 21 and that's what 21 year old's like. Then he bought me a $50 Nordstrom gift card and I felt like a huge asshole. HOW COULD I HAVE PREDICTED?!?!?!?!? Awkward....

4.) Your family discusses your unemployment at the Christmas dinner table. 

If there's one thing I like talking about less than being single and how I use to be fat, its my new status of unemployment. I've been kinda keeping in on the DL. I don't just announce it to everyone (except here on my blog, clearly) and especially not to my exceedingly successful extended family. Don't worry, my grandmother certainly announced it to everyone at some point because there was an extended discussion about my plan of action at the Christmas dinner table. Le sigh. I'm glad everyone else has a plan for me because I certainly do not. The plan is: Return to Phoenix, Get drunk on NYE, go to Costa Rica, Come back, Die. That's all I've got-- KTHX.

5.) That night you go to the bar and see your entire high school.

Everybody knows that bar that everyone goes to when they come back in town for the holidays. For us, its Durty Nellie's. Everyone hates it, but we all still go and see all the people we went to high school with and then we gossip about them until they awkwardly saunter over and say hello. Then a 3-5 minute even more awkward conversation occurs. They walk away and you discuss how awkward all that happened was. This happened on the 4th of July and near to Christmas, without fail. I tried to avoid this however an old friend from junior high asked me out for a drink last week and chose...dun dun dun....Nellie's. ARGH. We chose a quiet corner table and had a few beers before our former junior high and high school colleagues started pouring in. I tried to avoid eye contact. I tried to play with my phone like I was super busy. I tried turning physically to the wall...but nothing worked. Awkward run-in's occured. My 2012 resolution is to NEVER go to Durty Nellie's EVER again. I am serious.

I'm back to Phoenix tomorrow night and back to regularly blogging into 2013. Get pumped for all new date reviews and my backpackers blog from Costa Rica. xoxo.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

WTF Wednesday: Happy Holidays from SGIEWW

Happy Holidays from SGIEWW!!!!!

In the spirit of not being a total Grinch this holiday season despite the fact my entire life went to shit a week ago, I wanted to wish all of my readers a very happy holiday season. Many of you real life friends/readers have already received my holiday card in the mail, but for those who have not, I've decided to share it with all of you.

The inspiration behind this card is a tiny bit WTF. I understand, its not traditional, and I didn't want it to be. As you know, I am very grinchy this holiday season (and I can think of at least ONE other grinchass mofo who helped to ruin my day today) and getting the plethora of adorable family and engaged couple cards has made me want to vomit all over. Listen, I love my friends and their kids and their dogs and I appreciate the thought behind the Christmas card, but let's be real, I'm jealous as fuck of their happy little lives.

So, in lieu of just sending regular old hand written cards this year, I decided to opt with a Santa's Little Helper themed card featuring an array of mildly seductive photos of myself in a red gown, stilettos and a Santa hat, with the two loves of my life: the sunshine and the pool. Tiffany took these sweet photos for me and my long time friend, Stuart corrected the color, cropped out the weird homeless looking dude behind the fireplace, etc. and to them, I am forever in their debt.

So far, I've gotten a ton of great feedback on them. My friends know that this card was meant to be saucy and hilarious because they know I'm pretty quirky in general. I applaud them for hanging my card front and center on their fridge. I can only hope my extended family understands the humor in these cards as well.

LUCKY FOR ALL OF YOU...you can just right click and print out my holiday card. I recommend framing it and maybe even handing copies out to your own friends, family and loved ones.

Once again, Happy Holidays from SGIEWW!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Things I Love: 26 Random Acts of Kindness

Taking Pay It Forward to the Next Level

Y'all know I try to keep my blog as light hearted as possible, and do promise some fun blog posts later this week but I had to go with this semi serious topic today, because, hell, I benefited from a Random Act of Kindness today and then paid it forward. And I'm encouraging you all to do the same this holiday season.

As we all know, the shooting rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary last week was absolutely fucked up and terrible. That is clear. How we move forward is not, but the best thing I have seen to move forward is to literally pay kindness to others in this time of devastation and healing. There's a pretty great Buzzfeed article with the whole story behind it, so I recommend you read it. You can find it here.

So, I was out doing some last minute Christmas shopping today and decided to grab a coffee from Starbucks since I am constantly freezing cold now that I am not living in an 80 degree Phoenix winter wonderland. I went through the drive thru because I could not fathom leaving a warm car, even for a hot coffee, even though its still unseasonably warm in Chicago for December.

I was minding my own business, placed my order and was waiting to pay. The person ahead of me was kind of taking forever and I was getting annoyed because I was, well, cold and wanted my coffee and I expect the world to revolve around me most of the time. When I got to the window to pay for my coffee, the lady handed it to me and said that person ahead of me had paid for my coffee, a random act of kindness in honor of the children of Sandy Hook. I literally broke down into tears.

I'm kind of a grinch about Christmas, but this really warmed my intensely cold heart. What to do next? The answer: Pay it forward. I paid for the dude behind me in the drive thru's coffee and it felt good.

But I didn't stop there. I drove over to Toys R Us and paid off three layaway purchases that were still on hold. A few dollars out of my pocket, a few less beers at the bar and a couple less dresses from TJ Maxx and I made the difference for some family's Christmas. That's a really good feeling.

Whether its holding a door, buying coffee or something more, I encourage you to PLEASE get into the true holiday spirit and pay it forward this year. Trust me, its a great gift to yourself as well.

Here's an easy check list to get you started as well:

Monday, December 17, 2012

The Best of Times and the Worst of Times and that Time I Turned 25

The Best of Times and the Worst of Times and that Time I Turned 25...

Sometimes when we do not follow where the higher part of ourselves has already gone, the universe has a way of closing down other options which we've procrastinated. This week I joined the Quarter Century Club and my life's path has changed completely.

I know I've been absentee. This week basically started as world end level catastrophe and ended on the highest note I could possible imagine in my life. Things happened this week that changed my outlook, that changed who I am, how I think and how I feel. Some people think a birthday, even something as big as a 25th birthday, is no big deal, but the week of my 25th birthday is one I'll never forget. Let's review. 

So, I got laid off from my job Monday morning. It happened. I won't get into the nitty gritty details but I want to talk about this because its happening to a lot of my friends and people my age in general and I know how embarrassing and shameful it feels. I was certainly devastated and was completely blindsided by this event. Regardless of the fact I HATED my job and have been actively interviewing for new jobs, it is not a good feeling to be let go, even if the reasons have nothing to do with you personally. 

I rarely have spoken about my career on my blog but it was my entire life for the past two years. It was my family, my support, my source of pride and certainly one of the most amazing opportunities I have had in my life, allowing me to travel to all corners of the world and meet people I would've never had the opportunity to meet. Even though it wasn't perfect by any means, it was my identity. 

So, take away the career. What's left? I don't know who I am without my career....and now I'm 25, single and jobless. How's that for the start of the week?

After the end of the world, how do you pick up the pieces? If you're me, you go to Walgreens, buy a bottle of wine at 10am. donate blood at the Blood Drive in the parking lot. I may have gotten laid off, but hey, I SAVED THREE LIVES with my donation. 

This is called the art of positive thinking...and its where you start to pick up the pieces.

And next, you turn to the people in your life who can be a source of strength. These people are my amazing friends and family. No matter how far they physically are from you, they are still a resource. My parents and family were obviously very sympathetic and supportive, which I cannot be more thankful for...but my friends, just wow. I can't even begin to tell you how they turned my entire week around for the better.

I was very emotional and kinda sorta unstable on Monday after the lay off. My roommate, Jessie, was right there for me, asking what I needed and how she could help. Amy was right there on GChat talking me through the worst of it. Mike was texting me that I should come work with him so we could be pro bro's for life. Lacie was sending me positive texts during her entire work day. I received countless text messages and phone calls from my sorority sisters and friends across the country expressing concern. This included what was left of my coworkers who were shocked and horrified by what happened. Eva spent half of the work day shunning those involved and talking me through the ROUGHEST parts of my days where I just didn't even want to go on.

Bottom line, I have incredible friends who have given me an amazing source of strength this week. Let's move on to the fun stuff and away from my emotional Nicky Minaj tantrum about my life. 

So, although it was the middle of finals week, Tiffany dragged me out from my miserable existence on Wednesday night to Blue Martini for an innocent happy hour. Then our favorite band was playing. Then the manager was buying us shots. Then it gets a bit fuzzy...but this was the last photo of the night...with me being essentially held up by Brian, the guitarist of the band, followed by a cute photo of my leading lady, Tiffany. We look real pretty, and no, I don't know who that lady in the background is.

 ...And then the next morning....this was what I found in my purse.

WHY YES THAT IS 500 COCKTAIL NAPKINS. Apparently, Tiffany and I decided it would be fun times to play with the uber cute bartender Dave and take ever single bar napkin off of the bar so he could not use them any more. HOT MESS. At least I don't have to buy napkins maybe ever again.

Friday was my birthday. My friends spoiled me rotten. I went to mail my Christmas cards and found this snarky little attractive courtesy of Lacie. Is that my entire car covered in post it note decor? Surely, it is. She always knows how to put a smile on my face, even during the worst week of my life.

During the day, I also received the following from my childhood best friend (also Bride #2 in 2013). and from my Little Sister in Phi Mu, Rachey. Once again, I am beyond spoiled and so amazingly blessed to have the friends that I do, no matter how far the distance between us.

All my besties came out to play. We had super duper tons of fun. I got to wear a new dress courtesy of my roommate and fab friend, Jessie. Mike bought me a series of fucked up, disgusting shots. Tiffany bought me delicious shots. We go drunk. All was well. Here's some hot photos of it.

On Saturday night, I met up with Derek for dinner before I hopped a red eye flight back to Chicago (thank you to superwoman Lacie for driving me to fucking no where Mesa airport at midnight as well). I'm really starting to like him a lot and he looked super cute, despite the horrible rainstorm going on. He also is planning an open ended backpacking trip to Costa Rica....and offered me to come with him...we'll discuss this further later this week...but it sounds a lot like a new Eat, Pray, Love trip for me. I need to clear my head, and here's my chance. My fortune cookie even said I should go, I shit you not.

So, the bottom line is, the worst week of my life was made into one of the best, most memorable weeks of my life by my friends and family across the world. I am so thankful for my friends in Phoenix who stood by my side and helped to make my 25th birthday amazing, as well as my friends everywhere who helped me pick up the pieces and see the bright side again. I cannot thank those of you who helped me through this week enough.

So, um, Costa Rica, any one?

Sunday, December 9, 2012

AND ONE FOR YOU...AND YOU...AND YOU---Nikki's Top 10 Holiday Favorites

I might not be Oprah, but I'm sharing my top 10 Holiday Must Haves with you.

If you love Oprah like I do (she's mah hometown biotch and all), then you know all about Oprah's Favorite Things show where she gives everyone in the audience some ridiculous amount of gifts they could never normally afford, like cars and shit. 

Now, unfortunately, I am not rich and I'm not giving you free shit. But I am going to share with you my top 10 favorite things this holiday season because I have a really hard time buying gifts and not just buying for myself. Maybe you have the same problem and this will inspire you to buy ME presents...or um...other people on your list. So, get pumped and enjoy.

1.) Essie 2012 Winter Collection Polishes

 Essie is hands-down the best nail polish you can buy. I love it dearly. Most of the time, you can pick it up for $3 a bottle at TJ Maxx or Marshall's but it retails at pretty much any beauty supply store for $8 a bottle. This winter's collection is slightly different, as it features a number of sparkly polishes which is pretty out of the ordinary for Essie. My absolute MUST HAVE from the 2012 Winter Collection is "A Cut Above" which is a gorgeous rose gold glitter polish. It has a number of different sized foil glittery pieces that look amazing when painted over a beige or nude polish (as pictured above). Its perfect for everyday wear or a super glam evening look.

2.) Old Navy Active Wear

Now, you can say what you want about Old Navy clothing, but the bottom line is that their active wear line is the bomb.com (yes, I said it). Its all really nice, long lasting quality, fun patterns and colors and the quick drying material that keeps you feeling pretty damn fresh no matter how hard the work out. Their yoga pants are made of a nice stretchy material that doesn't easily loose its shape and the sports bars are legit sports bras, for, you know...women who have actual boobs who need support without it being a girdle (and a great price, if you buy two, they're only $10 each). They also have a variety of lengths and styles of pants and shorts which is great for all types of work outs. Best of all, their active wear clothes come in all sizes, from preteen to plus size (which can be ordered online). I love the idea of encouraging a healthy lifestyle for women of all ages, shapes and sizes. If you want to try it out, you can most always find a few lone pieces in the clearance rack for $3-$5, but you'll be hooked before you know it.

3.) Beauty Society Products 

Listen up, if you're going to buy yourself one thing this holiday season, seriously, buy these products. I'M OBSESSED. Tiffany actually is a Beauty Society rep and trust me, I was skeptical about this stuff because I have really sensitive skin and I don't really love those companies that are like Mary Kay. HOWEVER, after trying these products, my mind was changed. These are all natural, all organic, vegan friendly skin care and make up products. They are also sulfate and paraben free (you know, those chemicals that cause cancer). I use the cleanser, resurfacing, toner and moisturizer every single day and its done fairly amazing stuff for my skin. Just try it, one time, and you will be amazed. They also have some awesome Holiday specials going on. To get a free consultation or to place an order you can go to http://mybeautysociety.com/tlynn and contact Tiffany. She's pretty amazing :) 

4.) Hash browns 

 I don't think I need to explain this. Its the most delicious and perfect food on earth. C'mon. Everybody loves hash browns. Its the perfect holiday gift!

5.) Hot Pants by Zaggora

 You've probably never heard of these, but they really changed the way I work out and took my exercise routine to the next level. I won't bore you with how they actually work (but you can read about it here). Basically, these are colorful exercise pant alternatives that help to burn belly fat (mine and many women's biggest problem area) by using a material, kind of similar to a wetsuit, that creates resistance as well as elevates temperature making you sweat a shit ton. I bought them for $30 with a group on back in September and they certainly do make you sweat WAY more and burn WAY more calories. They do take some getting use to but certainly worth the retail price of $75. They also sell bras, zip ups and several lengths of hot pants. Highly suggested for anyone who is trying to bump up their exercise routine or working on problems areas of the tummy, hips and thighs. You won't be disappointed. You can order hot pants and other items by Zaggora by visiting http://zaggora.com/pages/THE-STORE.html

6.) Yonanas Ice Cream Treat Maker

 This is one of the hottest items for sale this holiday season. I just picked one up last weekend and it has basically changed my life. I swear to you, it is incredible. As all of you know I am constantly on a diet in coordination with my weight loss mission, but I still has a crazy sweet tooth that occasionally gets the best of me. In Phoenix, there are tempting Froyo bars every 6 inches, and when its 120 degrees outside, you really want to stop every 6 inches for Froyo, trust me. BUT NO MORE, thanks to Yonana's.

Here's the basic idea:
1. Peel over-ripe bananas and freeze for 24 hours.
2. Turn on Yonana maker.
3. Insert frozen banana in the chute and push the banana down using the plunger.
4. Repeat with frozen fruits or chocolate.
5. Collect a DELICIOUS single serving of FRUIT that LOOKS and TASTES like ice cream

MIND BLOWN. Get one, bitches. $50 at Bed, Bath and Beyond or at Yonana's website.

7.) PB2 All-Natural Low Calorie Peanut Butter

This is another one of my diet/exercise must haves. Like I said before, I have a sweet tooth and for some reason, I though eating huge scoops of regular peanut butter with an apple was somehow better than eating a brownie. But its actually not. Its a huge amount of sugar and on average 180 calories per two tablespoons. If you love peanut butter but not the fat or calories, try PB2. Its an all natural powdered peanut butter. Basically, some peanut butter makers figured out they can extract all the fatty, bad oils from peanuts and make it into a rich, nutty flavored powder that is only 45 calories per two tablespoon serving. FORTY FIVE CALORIES PER SERVING. All you do is take two tablespoons of powder, mix with 1-2 tablespoons of water/milk/almond milk/whatever liquid, and it turns back into a very nice spreadable paste. Its not as sweet as peanut butter from a jar, but its got a natural, nutty flavor. It also comes in a natural cocoa flavor (I like to mix one tbspoon of the original and one of the cocoa for a great taste). Perfect for sandwiches, protein shakes OR eating it with fruit/veggies. The best price for PB2 is about $10 for a 2-pack at most health food stores or on Amazon.com.

8.) Fetco Quatrefoil 4-pc. Frame Set

I found this amazing frame set at Kohl's. They're quatrefoils....which is very important to anyone who is a member of my sorority. I even have a quatrefoil tattoo...its THAT significant. For those who aren't Phi Mu's and currently squealing over this, they are also just really well made and adorable frames that take up a substantial amount of wall space. They're just so cute and even better? They're on sale for only $24 for the ENTIRE set right now. Buy them here.

9.) One Directions- Take Me Home Album

Say what you want about my musical taste, but this album is full of great work out tunes and feel good pop music that is just so sugary sweet your head will explode. The thing is, One Direction is not the boy band of 2004. They are quite a bit sassier, they sing about sexy time and taking girls home and doing sassy things with them. You might not notice because its entwined in sugary pop beats, but its there....and its so good no matter how bad it is that I am a woman in my mid twenties who loves boy bands with members who are barely legal. Don't judge me.

10.) Synthetic Hair Extensions (because who DOESN'T want to look like me???)

 You may notice that I almost always have some obnoxious color of hair extension in my hair over the past year. The photo above is from last night and features my lime green woven in extensions, but OH, they come in many colors. I've moved on past the clip in hair and onto keratin bonds for keeping them in for a slightly longer commitment, but YOU too can have multicolored hair for a very low cost with Clip In Hair Extensions. They're brightly colored, easy to style and you'll get tons of compliments. Just place under the top layer of your hair, clip in and cut to length. You can order them on Amazon right here at wholesale pricing. Six clips (you choose the color combination) for $7.99 is great way to try out my signature style with basically little to no commitment. You know you want to.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

WTF Wednesday: I'm a natural Zombie slayer, so you're probably going to want to stick with me in the Zombie Apocalypse (aka this is also a date review)

Today, I shot a big gun, so now I'm really ready for Zombie Apocalypse. Seriously.

So, in the spirit of WTF Wednesday, I went out and did something new and amazing today, best of all, it was also a date. TWO BLOGS, ONE STONE.

Now, most of you who know me in real life know that I have an obsessive and slightly bizarre obsession with the pending Zombie Apocalypse. We can credit College Ex Boyfriend with this obsession because he is the one who started me on zombie movies, zombie books and therefore, zombie plans. Everyone should have one. There's a really epic photo of College Ex Boyfriend trying to zombie bite my neck, but I can't find it and I'm fairly upset about that. Anyways, even today, College Ex Boyfriend and I have maintained that our plan is THE plan, and we'd meet up at Fort Reno in DC and take on the zombies. Unfortunately, I now live across the country and I'm not trying to get eaten by Zombie getting back to DC, so while that plan may work long term, I decided to work on some skillz so I can ensure my survival. 

Luckily, I met Derek, who you may remember at Outback Steakhouse Guy from previous blog posts. I may have called him fat, he's not fat. Oh, and he read that blog post and STILL agreed to see me after that without ever being like "HEY REMEMBER THAT REALLY RUDE BLOG POST YOU WROTE". So, super major points for that. Now, I'm the asshole. Fuck. 

Anyways, Derek has some guns because we live in Arizona where everyone has guns and although it terrifies me in a big way, apparently its a cool hobby to have. We met up mid afternoon to do some shooting at the Scottsdale Gun Club, which is mostly frequented by old me with hand guns wearing loafers and hawaiian shirts. It is Scottsdale.

Derek made a reservation and all. Planning ahead, impressive. He patiently showed me all the parts of the gun and how to make it do stuff, which I prompted did not listen to at all because I was so jittery and anxious about shooting things. Note: I have never held a gun before.

Derek recently bought this huge crazy gun thing with a scope and stuff. He also brought some bogus ass looking hand gun that I promptly hated and only wanted to use the big, fancy gun. Derek also bought Zombie targets to shoot at. How romantic is he? So romantic. He's also incredibly nice and patient as I freaked out about every 30-35 seconds a shot was fired on the range. Its really loud, even with the little headphone things on. He let me play plenty and take lots of shots and taught me how to use the little buttons that move the target. I appreciated that, because he easily could've let me fire two shots and done the rest himself and I would've probably been fine with it. I feel like he was really pushing me to hone my Zombie shooting skills and take me to the next level of my Zombie Plan.

Here's a photo of me shooting the big, scary gun with the pretty scope:

Here's a photo of my sweet dead ass Zombie target. Notice all the shots to the brain. I'm a natural born Zombie slayer OBVIOUSLY:

Here's a photo of Derek pouting because I shot some many more Zombies in the head than he did:

Overall, this was basicallyyyyy the most fun I've had on a date SINCE I became single from the Ex. That says a lot. I seriously can't think of anyone who I would've rather done this with because I was kind of a basket case (per always) and he makes me feel super comfortable whatever we're doing. I don't know why, but its true. Watch out College Ex, you've been edged out of the Zombie Plan.

 I don't really know where Mr. Derek's head is, but I know where MY head is right now and its ALL ABOUT this awesome pink BB gun I found at Walmart while grocery shopping today.  


Monday, December 3, 2012

Manic Mondays: Remember MySpace?

Remember when no one ever head of Facebook and we were all obsessed with customizing our MySpace pages? I do.

So, tonight, Tiffany and I were sitting at a restaurant brainstorming what psycho story I could tell on my blog today. Tiffany, being a sane and normal human, doesn't have any of these stories. BORING. However, her very cool little sister has quite the track record with boyfriends and crazy stories, so we jogged her memory for a few good gems.

She told us the story of how she caught her boyfriend cheating on her, so she went into his phone and MySpace and Facebook and deleted ALL of the females he was friends with to teach him a lesson in love. This reminded me of a psycho story that I was actually on the receiving end of.

You may recall I posted a mugshot of a former boyfriend I had, who we call High School Ex. It never really shocked me he'd be arrested for domestic battery. In fact, I'm shocked it took this long seeing as he is the ultimate psycho ex boyfriend. It should not surprise you that I have a very psycho story all about him.

So, I went to college in DC, which is 900 miles away from Chicago, where I call home. Part of the appeal of going so far away was being extremely far away from High School Ex because he was extremely toxic for me, but nothing BUT physical distance could keep me away from his bad news bears because I was 17 years old and basically stupid.

We had been on and off, breaking up and getting back together from June until when I was leaving for college in August. He was cheating on me, getting progressively more jealous and I was spreading my wings and regularly hanging out with a guy I worked with named Ben, who, I'm certain is 100% gay, but he was old enough to buy booze and incredibly sexy, so we were always attached at the hip. Needless to say, our hurtful little games weren't doing anything but making each other angrier, more bitter and more psycho as the summer progressed.

By the time it was time to leave for college, we were mostly broken up but still talking regularly and saying the stupid "I love you's" and all that bull shit. Of course, upon arrival to college, I met College Ex Boyfriend among other attractive men who quickly stole my attention and led to me to ignore High School Ex's phone calls for hours, sometimes, days at a time. This made him furious.

One Saturday morning about 3 weeks into college, after a long night at the Phi Sigma Kappa Fraternity house, and after a day of ignoring High School Ex's calls, I dragged myself out of bed and to my laptop  to check out my sweet MySpace page that was very much still en vogue during my Freshman year.

When I logged in, my main photo was changed to a very angelic looking photo of me from Prom, all my personalization and profile information deleted, and every time I refreshed my page, more and more of my thousands of MySpace besties being deleted from my profile. I though I had a virus or a hacker...but soon I realized what was happening. High School Ex had my password saved in his computer and had continuously been checking on my MySpace for sometime. Since I had royally pissed him off, he decided to cleanse my MySpace page himself.

Of course, I was furious. I called him ranting and raving, but nothing could save my MySpace page. The damage was done. Years of work!!! How dare he!!! After that day, I really decided I couldn't have him in my life. I stopped talking to him and focused primarily on College Ex Boyfriend. All over my MySpace page.

So, thank you Myspace, for ending my three year psycho relationship. Of course, that certainly isn't the absolute end to High School Ex's and I's 6 years torturous affair, but for now, it is.

FOR ONCE, I'm not the craziest of crazy. Take that!