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Sunday, November 25, 2012

WTF Weekend: Thanksgiving Edition

WTF Weekend: Thanksgiving Edition

I very much apologize for the lack of blogging this weekend, but I over committed myself to social activities with my real life friends, and sometimes I have to give them attention too.

I had every intention of blogging Wednesday night for WTF Wednesday based on my Black Wednesday party going experience, but then I had nothing to do Wednesday night so I didn't want to seem like a loser, but then I actually ended up having a totally WTF night that lead into WTF Thanksgiving morning at 10:30am when I waltzed into my apartment with my stilettos one hand and the other one holding my aching head. I'm not an adult.

I've actually never really gone out for Black Wednesday before. I've heard that its now one of the biggest party nights of the year, when everyone is in town for the holidays and you go to your local bar and see all your old frienemies from high school. Lucky for me, I did not end up at Durty Nellie's in Palatine, Illinois with the rest of Fremd High School that I've lost complete touch with since I both went to college on one coast and then hastily moved to the other coast after college. Not that it would've been interesting...but yeah..um...anyways. I can't even.

So BFF Tiff was out of town with her boyfriend for the weekend, so I was down a partner in crime and still writhing in anguish over last Friday's very poor life decisions (which I couldn't even blog out) and in the gym at like 8pm Wednesday night, because hell, if I'm going to suck, I'm going to look skinny doing it.

My good buddy, Mike, who is like my fratty, 1%er older brother (and my only platonic male friend in Phoenix), called me up and asked if I wanted to go out with him and his work friend, Casey (who is a dude, yeah, I asked that immediately too). Mike is also writhing, but he's in the wake of a bad break up, which I totally feel for, so it was big thing for him to want to go out, so OBVIOUSLY I couldn't say no. Anyways, we met up at Sandbar, which is just across the street from where I live, which is perfect since Black Wednesday is DUI central and Arizona has mandatory jail time for DUIs. Bottom line, walking is good.

We get there. Packed, of course. I'm with two fairly good looking, intimately muscular men. Clearly, no men come up to speak to me since chances are, one of them is my boyfriend. I'm also in huge heels, so no girls come up to them since the 6'4 Amazon woman with big boobs and big heels is looming around them. This is clearly not a well thought out plan.

Anyways, luckily we kind of all got into a big group convo with some dude who was a personal trainer and a couple where the dude plays semi pro soccer and some other randos. Guys start coming up to me to chat here and there.

Dude #1 was a really short guy named Mike. He explains he wanted to speak with me all night but my boyfriends are very scary looking. He asks for my number, but explains he won't call me until December because his phone is currently turned off because he didn't pay the bill because he's on unemployment. He is also very touchy feely and I'm frightened. My guy friends stand and laugh at my discomfort with the midget trying to rest his head in my chestal region. I spend the rest of the night running away from Mike.

Some more randoms...etc. More drinks. Now, we're all drunk. The entire bar.

Dude #whatever comes up to me and introduces himself as Patrick. He informs me that he and all of his friends have been checking me out and that I'm what they call a "breeder". I nearly punch him. He explains its a big compliment because I'm tall and hot and if I made babies with Patrick, I'd be popping out D1 linebackers. I'm less than impressed by this commentary on my looks. Men are idiots.

Anyways, we close down the bar. Mike and Casey get in a cab and encourage me to also get in and that they'll drop me off at my place so I don't have to walk back alone. What gentleman. Two second later, we're going to opposite way back to Casey's condo and not my place. Mike is swearing all woman are whores and nobody will take me back to my place. It is now 2:30am. I'm over it, I'll sleep on the couch, whatever.

Meanwhile, my girl Lacie calls me and let's me know she's stuck at a house party and stranded and can't get a cab. Because Mike and Casey are scheezy assholes, they of course want her to come right over. Mike calls her SEVEN cabs, SEVEN, not even an exaggeration. He is a man dedicated to his cause.

Anyways, by 3:30am, Lacie and I are sitting on the floor in Casey's tshirt and sweatpants drinking beer and hanging out. At 6:30am, we have all had our fill of the party and finally go to bed. Fast forward 5 hours and I waltz into my apartment.

THINGS THAT I LOST AND GAINED ON BLACK WEDNESDAY:

Gained:
1.) One rolex watch left in my purse by an unknown suspect (????)
2.) Lung cancer due to second hand smoke at Sandbar
3.) An appreciation for seasoned salt on popcorn
4.) A new love of vodka, club soda and 2 limes
5.) Some smoochies from Mike's friend, Casey who is cute when he's not speaking
6.) Six phone numbers listed in my phone as Sandbar #1-#6 only, no names

Lost:
1.) 8 solid hours of sleep
2.) The ability to eat my ass off at Thanksgiving due to a hangover
3.) Most of my dignity and half my self respect

Based on my Gained/Lost List, this night was actually a big WIN. Kudos, Black Wednesday, until we meet again next year.

Happy Holidays, Y'all! I hope you, too, started your holiday season off right.

P.S. I will have tons of great material for next week because I had a jammed packed last week of dates. I manged to pull out THREE, yes, THREE more dates after the Outback Steakhouse incident, including one with the Outback Steakhouse guy and I feel like I may have to take that post down because he actually isn't that fat after all. 



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