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Friday, November 30, 2012

Weekly Blog Fail: Date Review, My Quarter Life Crisis and Anxiety Around the Holidays

I got the flu and couldn't do anything all week...

So, you got no blogs. My bad. I don't care. So, let's just go ahead and have a nice mishmash of crap that happened this past week. Most of it is nothing because I had to flu and I'm useless to the world when I am ill.

Let's start with my date from last Sunday since that is technically this week. I decided to go out with the Outback Steakhouse Punk'd guy who I wrote about last week. I know I wrote a really mean blog but he is really nice and he asked me out to play mini golf and I LOVE MINI GOLF, so I was totally down. We actually had a really fun time but I'm not sure I can take him out of the friend zone. He's a bit nerdy and slightly socially awkward in a funny way. Think, Big Bang Theory...but I really just don't see that working long term for me. He is actually also not as overweight (from his photos) as I originally suspected. Must've just been the clothing...I don't know. Anyways, I was wrong to say that because he's not fat at all and he is a gentleman that I like. I do believe we will go out again. He seems interested to dive into my emotional basket case too...I can't deny a man that.

Next up, I got the flu. Eh. I got some Christmas shopping done as well. And then I realized its almost December and my birthday is in two weeks. And in two weeks, I will be 25 years old. This has once again sent me into an emotional tail spin which I have been holding off, but with the stress of the holidays (and therefore, 2 long weeks in coldddd Chicago) as well as getting the flu and a number of career stresses, it kind of snowballed into a huge mess last night. Tears, depression, the whole shabang.

The main source of this stress the weight loss. Its obviously very trying on both the body and the brain to stay on track and all that jazz. Beyond that, my mind is all screwy about it. The more compliments I get on how I look and the more that guys notice me when I'm out, the WORSE I feel about myself. I know that this is not normal and not how its suppose to be, but it is. So, I'm dealing with it.

Lastly, I head home just after my birthday for two weeks. If you know me personally, then you know my family is interesting (loving but...interesting) and the holidays always fester up a bunch of issues I never really resolved with my father and the feelings of being a loner as I'm the only adult in my extended family who is not coupled off. Awesome being single during Christmas. If that's not enough, my friends who are engaged or are about to become engaged are now really ramping up their "we're a couple and let's chat about us and our wedding" conversations now that its the holiday season. This is obviously bittersweet as I am happy my friends are happy but sad that I am also not 100% happy.

WELL, I'M SINGLE AND I'M SENDING OUT CHRISTMAS CARDS ALL ALONE. KTHNX.


Clearly, I'm still sick and crabby and a sour patch kid. Mini 70 calorie taco cups tomorrow. 
BAI BITCHES.

2 comments:

  1. Nikki, I feel the same way. While I haven't lost weight per se, I have lowered my body fat % (while remaing the same weight, ugh whatever I work really hard and can lift heavy shit)and the more male attention I get, the ickier I feel about myself.


    ^That was barely a sentence but work is almost over. Sahrry.

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  2. UGH i feel the same. someone tells me i look good, and i immediately like my body less.

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