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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Date Review: Guest Blogger Gone Lesbian

This is a friend of mine who is guest blogging for me tonight. She brings a whole new perspective to SGIEWW's Date Reviews...So, sit back, relax and enjoy the show...

Hi peeps. I'm one of Nikki's new friends in Phoenix. Represent. Without going into too much detail, I've always been into guys and then one day woke up and decided I wanted to date girls. There's obviously more to the story but that's all you need to know for now.

So, I figured the easiest way to meet someone was online. OBVIOUSLY. I found some profile themes: almost every girl is 5'4 or shorter, is a vegetarian and out to save the world/super into liberal politics. Many describe themselves as being nerds and a requirement is to like anime. I don't even know what anime is. A handful of girls online identify as being "polyamorous." Okay hi, I'm fiercly monogamous. Others who contacted me were heterosexual couples looking for a girl to informally join their fun. Another negative.

I finally get a message from a girl who actually seemed really cool. She's in law school, works for a judge, and has the same religious affiliation as me. She can also carry on a pretty good online conversation. We'll call her Jesse. She had several pictures posted but they were all of her face. RED FLAG #1.

We texted for about 2 weeks before we found a time that would work for both of us. I was REALLY excited to finally meet her. Maybe she would become my princess charming :) 
Now it was time for me to start freaking out. I had no idea what to wear. I mean, I know what to wear to impress a guy but what on earth do you wear on a date with a girl? I decided to just wear what I would normally wear. It was really nice outside so I went with a dress and a jacket over. Jesse later told me that I was straightest looking girl she ever met. I had so many more questions...like who was supposed to pay?
Within 10 seconds of meeting, she starts firing questions at me- am I dating anyone else, who am I out to, do my parents know etc. etc. etc. She told me she's been out since she was 13. I told her my story and she called me a "baby dyke." RED FLAG #2.  Her last question- Are you shy? NO I'M NOT SHY, I JUST DON'T LIKE ANSWERING A STRING OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS WITHIN 2 MINUTES OF MEETING SOMEONE. 
She was wearing all black with converse and had three pins on the left breast of her jacket. One was a feminist symbol and the other 2 had quotes on them that were too small to read without staring too long at her boobs. I'm assuming they was feminist related.

By now, we're walking down the street and I decide to ask her a few questions myself. We get into a whole conversations that leaves my heart beating angrily too fast. RED FLAG #3. She doesn't think gender exists. I mean, I'm all about women empowerment and equality obviously, but gender does exist. Like she doesn't think, in a perfect world, we should refer to anyone as he or she. RED FLAG #4...She thinks all heterosexual sex is oppressive. I just nervously laughed because that was only way I knew how to respond without engaging in a huge argument. I'm feeling pretty annoyed by now, and then I have to immediately act friendly because we "run into" her roommate, her roommate's girlfriend and their 2 other friends who happened to be at the same place. Yeah right, it was obviously planned. They probably wanted to see what kind of freak would go on a date with their friend. 

We are now sitting at a table and the waitress asks to see our IDs. The cherry on top of the evening was that we find out we have the same last name. My thoughts: Okay, not the worst thing in the world. I have a somewhat common last name, just a little awkward. She says, "Wait, do you think we're related? This is so great, I can't wait to tell my mom. It's not like if we're related I could impregnate you or anything." 
She thinks we might be related and she also thinks it's okay to date if we're related. RED FLAG #5. That's when I politely said I had to get home. 

I arrive at my apartment about 20 minutes later to find a Facebook friend request and a Words with Friends request from her. Oyyy. I'm not really sure how such good online conversation could turn into such a sour date. Clearly never seeing her again. I guess I put myself out there and will hopefully have better luck next time around...