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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

WTF Wednesday: Remember when I said rekindling high school romance was stupid?

It still is.

So, this week has been intensely busy, getting everything ready for my pending trip to Hawaii that I mention on this blog every 6.5 seconds. Anyways, I decided to take a little time out last night and hang out with my bestie Tiffany and go to a haunted house. We went to this fun little place called Jack and Jill's Haunted house, which is themed as an old mineshaft where people have been disappearing at the hands of a bunch of psychopaths. Needless to say, I nearly peed in my pants going through the place and was sweating like a whore in church. I'm clearly a baby.

Anyways, earlier this week, Ryan, my friend from high school who was in town a few weeks ago, is coming back into town on Friday, which is also his birthday. I'm clearly leaving Saturday morning, but I said we could likely do something on Friday.

This is getting stupid. Why does he keep coming around and bugging me? Its making me like him and its dumb, because he has a job that makes him travel all the time and he lives in the greater Chicago area. There is nothing convenient about this at all.

Not only does he want to hang out as soon as he gets into town, he wants to hang out on his birthday. Do I bake him a cake? Some brownies? No one wants to be alone on his birthday in a hotel room. Blah.

So, WTF. WTF am I doing here? This is so stupid, I can't believe I'm even here writing this because its so ridiculously ridiciulous. I can't even.

So, yeah, I'll let you know how Friday goes. Whatevs.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Manic Mondays: Tales of a Psycho Ex Girlfriend

Let me take you back, wayyyy back to the days of wee Nikki...

As you all know, I am heading off to Honolulu on Saturday for a much, much needed vacation. This reminded me of a story from a longgggggggggg time ago. I think I was 14 or maybe 15, but certainly before I had a driver's license but definitely after the age I started getting immensely boy crazy. 

This is really just the buddings of so many psycho ex girlfriend tales to come, but man, it certainly was an indicator for future misgivings with men.

When Amy and I were 12 or 13, we met this guy named Steve at the local public pool. Steve was 15, pretty shy, pretty cute and soon Amy and he were "dating". Whatever that meant back then. In any event, we would all hang out and Steve would bring along his friend, Fitz. Fitz was a good guy, but not really my type at all. It was obvious after the first time I met him that I was certainly his type and he intended to pursue the situation.

After a variety of double dates and such, Amy and Steve were no more, but there was still Fitz and I...sort of. I pretty much knew I wasn't interested but hell, boyfriend is better than no boyfriend. WHERE DID I LEARN THAT BEHAVIOR? Seriously, like at what point did I decide having a boyfriend was SOOOO important that it was a top priority at 14. I blame the hormones.

Anyways, so around the time that Amy and Steve called it quits, Fitz was heading off to Hawaii and promised to bring me a necklace back as a souvenir.  Now, I did not want Fitz to be my long term boyfriend, or really even his friend (although I have kept in touch with Steve all through the years coincidentally), but I really, really wanted him to bring me back a necklace from Hawaii. I was like, obsessed, with getting this tiny token of affections. C'mon, we're teenagers, how nice could the thing be? Or never mind the dozens of other necklaces I had? It didn't matter. I wanted it. I needed it.

For weeks, I played out this ridiculous relationship on the promise of a necklace from an upcoming vacation....but it just wasn't in me. In my head, I was just going to see him once, get the necklace and then dump him. No biggie, right? After a week without him pestering me (since this was merely the dawn of the cell phone age), I realized I just couldn't be the gold digger I thought I was.

Nothing, not even a necklace, could keep me from moving on to the next hottie I met at teen night at the skating rink, not even a necklace from Hawaii.

So, upon arrival back home, I told him I just couldn't be with him. He whined, "But I got you the necklace!". I just shrugged it off, even though it killed me to do so. I wanted that damn necklace, but I didn't want him at all.

Cold, heartless, bitch at age 14. Le sigh.

Needless to say, I guess I did the right thing in the end, even thought I clearly shouldn't have been leading him on in hopes of acquiring a token of affection. I think I really hurt his feelings and that still doesn't feel good at all, but I did mend that broken heart by setting him up with the girl who lived across the street from me and drove me to volleyball practice, since they were the same age.

And they dated for an entire year. YOU'RE WELCOME. 

See? I have redeeming qualities sometimes.

P.S. She got the necklace he originally bought me and it wasn't even that pretty.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

That Time I Met Honey Boo Boo, Mama June and her HUGE Security Guard in Hollywood

That Time I Met Honey Boo Boo, Mama June and her HUGE Security Guard in Hollywood

As promised, I am here to share the last of the tale from Wedding Weekend in California. I've had a week to reflect on this life changing incident so I now feel like I can blog about it with all hands on deck. I'm really still in awe over all of this, really...truly.

So, Rachel and I started out our day in Venice beach with all the weirdos and street performers, which I should mention, Rachel was scared of for some ridiculous reason. They are not scary or threatening...crazy-- yes, weird-- yes, dangerous-- no. Venice Beach is a tourist trap. If they had a bunch of people getting beaten and robbed, they would not let tourists roam freely. 

Anyways, we eat fish tacos, dipped our toes in the Pacific ocean and met up with Rachel's cousin and his girlfriend. Next, we made a stop at Rodeo Drive for froyo and a bit of window shopping. That actually turned into like a 5 hour excursion so by the evening, we were finally on Hollywood Blvd.

Nothing significant happened while we were there, however, on the way out, I wanted to use the restroom in the mall we parked at. And who comes roaming out of the bathroom but Honey Boo Boo and Mama June. I, of course, went chasing after them (no one else even knew who they were, pretty sure) because I happen to love/be horrified by Honey Boo Boo's show on TLC. TLC is basically the only channel I watch, so I happen to watch Honey Boo Boo more than I should. 

If you aren't familiar with Honey Boo Boo, you should familiarize yourself now.


ANYWAYS, they were in a hurry but June stopped to take a quick photo with me while three handlers held Honey Boo Boo back from running ahead while we did so. Just so you know, they look just the same as they do on the show. The horrible fashion choices and walmart-chic clothing were certainly present. Mama June did look like she lost some weight. 

I commend her for taking a photo with me, against her mean, HUGE bodyguard's recommendation He's all like, "We can't stop for everyone, June." UM, I'M NOT JUST ANYONE....kthnx.

So, here we are. My one LA celebrity sighting. The perfect way to top off my California weekend. As you can see, I'm extremely excited to have spotted my favorite reality TV stars. The only better sighting would've been Courtney Stodden.



Later today....Andrea's wedding inspiration. Get Pumped.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

WTF Wednesday: Brandon #3 and Blue Martini Mondays

Blue Martini is always the worst best idea I ever have.

So, post-wedding weekend, Rachel and I hustled our asses back to Scottsdale so we could get to Rock Bottom for dinner where we got use to Rachel's baller 70% discount on a plethora of food that wasn't good for me or my diet or my trip to Hawaii. Anyways, after dinner, Tiffany, her boyfriend Kevin, Rachel and I all headed over to Blue Martini where we met up with Tiffany's friend, Reesie. Monday nights at BM are "I'm with the Band" where the Instant Classics play live while drunk idiots (some of which are really good) sing karaoke with them. Its also Industry Night, so its half off of drink and food all night for those in the hospitality business OR those of us who know the staff far, far too well. I knew it was going to be a great night with the saucy guitarist, Brian, wandering around, my favorite bartender, Troy at the outside bar and Cookie on duty as manager. All the makings of the worst best Blue Martini nights.

Anyways, the moron waitress was moving way, way too slow as always so we were migrating between our cocktail table and the outside bar where we had open tabs with the deliciously sexy bartender, Troy. He's also very sweet and has this adorable boyish smile. He was all hot and heavy for Rachel after one look at her, so I knew that would do wonderful things for my tab at the end of the night. 

Of course, I was busy making sexy eyes at Brian while he played on stage. I'm sure he didn't take any notice, which makes me all the more determined. After like 4 martinis, I'm sure my sexy eyes look a lot more like crazy eyes. Whatevs.
My sexiest eyes, post 4 martinis

Anyways, I was getting kinda rowdy since, in my opinion, Brian was giving me some level of attention and I was sort of tipsy. Cougars were dancing all around and Tiffany managed to attract some nice older gentleman who wanted to chat us up. I was bored with them after like 3 seconds, although one of them was cute in an older dude kinda way. I was really busy with my sexy eyes.

Later in the night, Tiff, Kevin and Reesie left Rachel and I at the back bar with Tray pouring plentiful martinis. Soon enough, the two older guys from before were back talking with us. I introduced myself to the taller, handsome one and what is his name? BRANDON.

So, we talk for a while. I was really pretty drunk so I can't recall many details other than he's in his 30's and use to live all over Africa and Europe doing corporate airplane stuff. Sounds good to me. His friend was also driving a Porsche. Needless to say, he asked me if I wanted to exchange numbers, and since I've had SUCH AMAZING LUCK with all the other Brandon's in my life, I went ahead and did so. I put him into my phone as Brandon #3...he asked, "What's that all about...?". I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

After we shook off Brandon #3, Brian was done with the set and mingling with us. He even kissed me on the cheek. I'll take it. For now.

Then it was 2:30am. Remember how its Monday and I work at 5am on every weekday? 

WTF. I am not a responsible adult. Seriously, who does that on a Monday night? I happen to do it like...twice a week. Le sigh.

Needless to say, Rachel had a good time. Our bar tab was miraculously $21 total for the two of us...according to my receipt we each only had one half price drink. I'm going to go ahead and assume that is the absolute truth of the night....although how I felt in the morning was testament to how false it likely was that I only had one drink.

So, Brandon #3 and I have plans to go out next week. Troy and Rachel will one day romance again. Brian will continue to be nice to me and I will continue to believe he is actually flirting with me. I will go back to sleeping a normal night, sans booze, and be productive at work.  All is right and well in the universe.

Tomorrow, learn how I met Honey Boo Boo. Nighty Nite, kiddos!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

An Offical Proposal

DEAR MICHAEL SCHWARTZ,

ACCORDING TO MATCHMAKER TAMMY, WE SHOULD BE WED IMMEDIATELY.

THIS IS MY OFFICIAL OFFER:

 WILL YOU MARRY ME???

MY FUTURE HUSBAND

 


Wedding Review: Jamie and Chris' Vintage Garden Wedding

A Beautiful, Autumn Day in Santa Ana for a Wedding...

 Oh, hello everyone. Its been quite a while but here we are again and with the exciting first wedding review on SGIEWW. Considering this blog is primarily about weddings and NOT about me bitching about all the terrible dates I go on, its about time that I kick off my year(s?) of wedding mania with the wedding of my Phi Mu grandbig-sister and mentor, Jamie, and her awesome husband, Chris.

Jamie is one of the most important people I met in college. She was the one who convinced me to join Phi Mu, who initiated me into the Chapter, who kept me in line (still does, in fact) and drank countless mugs of beer at the Malt Shop together. Way more than a friend and a sorority sister to me---those words don't even cut it.

The beautiful Gbiggie bride and I at the reception

Anyways, Jamie and Chris' wedding was in Santa Ana, California, which is not where I live. In fact, its a 6 hour drive from Phoenix to LA, so I conned my Phi Mu little sister, Rachel, into flying from Philly into Phoenix to make the road trip with me. She's a good little.

God, we are so pretty.
So, let's start from the start of this epic wedding weekend. Rachel and I drove on Friday afternoon into Santa Ana. We were starved and thirsty by the time we got to the hotel, so we dropped our bags and immediately headed to the liquor store. After we bought the entire store, equipped with red wine, bloody mary mix, a handle of vodka, champagne and orange juice, we headed to Seasons 52 for a fabulous but entire too late night dinner. After a big meal and a few drinks, we were passed out in our hotel room at midnight. Party animals, eh?

Saturday morning, we were up early and in the gym getting our fitness on because we're very responsible adults (pshhh). After a quick stop at the bridal suite to make sure Jamie was looking absolutely gorgeous (CLEARLY), we popped the bottle of champagne and got pretty. There was a shuttle from the hotel scheduled for 5pm, so we had to start extra early since between Rachel and I, we have a habit of running 2-3 hours behind schedule at all times. Missing the shuttle was not really an option since a.) we started boozin' at 1pm b.) you have to drive EVERYWHERE in Orange County. It doesn't shock me that Lindsey Lohan has like 50 DUIs at all.

We headed down a bit early and met up with a ton of our friends from college. While we all stood around outside laughing and shoving our vodka bottles into Rachel's big purse, the first shuttle came and went, full of people. Turns out, it was 30 minutes before we needed to be at the venue and the shuttle still hadn't come back to get us. Next thing we knew, we were piling into the hotel van with one of the other wedding guests driving us and another guiding us on GPS....we might've been the last ones to arrive but hell, we were still on time.

The wedding was held at the Bowers Museum, which is absolutely beautiful. The ceremony space was held in a large courtyard surrounded by high, white walls and a cascading staircase for the bridal party to walk down. 





The bridesmaids and groomsmen started the procession soon after we took our seats, followed closely by the bride and her parents. I really like that, both parents walking their daughter down the aisle. I suspect that is also what I will be wanting in the future. The ceremony space was lightly decorated, which was perfect because the lush green landscaping was plenty gorgeous for the dusk wedding. The ceremony itself was fairly quick and very personal. The Rabbi was not only hilarious, but added many personal stories about the couple. He offered wise words of advice mingled with light humor that did not take away from the seriousness of the ceremony. After 45 minutes or so, Chris stomped on the glass and we shouted MAZELTOV...which is basically my favorite part of any Jewish wedding because the only other time I can get away with saying it is while singing that overplayed "I got a feeling" song by the Black Eyed Peas.


Let's chat for a quick minute about Jamie's dress and the bridesmaid dresses. First off, Jamie looked AMAZING. Her dress was perfectly fitted to her and her sassy red suede platforms were great since the grass was a bit mushy from the previous day's rain. If she had been in heels, she would've sunk right into the ground (much like the rest of us did). Her tee length dress and lace shrug were both beaded and lace with a corseted lace up back. I love the look of the classic lace with just a bit of bling to really set the dress apart. Jamie's bridesmaids wore a light navy blue linen dress in the style of their choice. All looked gorgeous and the blue contrasted with the orange Rose and Mum flowers in their bouquets and centerpieces. I thought it was awesome how they came down the stairs-- they stood out so nicely against the white walls and green grass!

So, now its happy hour. Bowers Museum unfortunately does not has a liquor license but there was open bar with beer and wine, which I certainly will never complain about. We brought our own vodka anyways....some things just don't change after college. THEY JUST DON'T. Cocktail hour was highlighted by these amazing little passed plates of appetizers. I don't have any photos of them because we were too busy shoving them in our mouths. Some of my favorites include shrimp on stick with a light, crunchy shell and a honey glaze ("shrimp popsicles"), sauteed mushroom crustinis and crunchy pastries filled with goat cheese and roasted red and yellow peppers. I actually could not stop eating in between my glasses of Chardonnay.

Before long, we were summoned to dinner, which took place in the same area as the ceremony space, where they had moved out all of the garden chairs for white table clothed tables. All of us sorority girls and college friends had tables in the very back where we couldn't offend anyone with our loud, vodka filled mouths---its for the best. The tables were organized by the names of books that the happy couple loves in lieu of table numbers. On the tables themselves, there were orange rose and mum flower arrangements on top of a stack of books, sticking with the table number theme. What a great personal touch for a book worm like myself.

All the Beautiful Phi Mu's (and Andrew--our honorary Phi Mu) enjoying Shrimp Popsicles and Goat Cheese Pies
Dinner was fairly tradition, plenty of short but very sweet speeches and champagne being poured plentifully. The actual dinner service started out with a deconstructed garden salad with a light vinaigrette dressing (great for those saving our calories for alcohol consumption) with a long cracker piled high with ricotta, avocado and caramelized onions. The next course was a braised beef on top of mashed polenta and carrots. IT WAS ACTUALLY THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER TASTED EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. The beef was incredibly tender and glazed lightly in a tangy sauce. The mashed polenta was also lightly seasoned and complimented the beef without being overwhelming. So, I basically licked my plate. 

After dinner, we all hit the vodka in the bathroom and hit the dance floor full force. We had a rousing rendition of Gangnam style pony dancing that even Psy might be proud of us. I really just can't help being the center of attention on the dance floor. Eventually they did the first dance and all that coupley shit that I hate because I'm single, so Rachel and I hit the dessert bar.

As many couples are now doing, Jamie and Chris opted for mini cupcakes, tiny creme brulees and cake lollipos. They did have a small cake and did the traditional cutting of the cake. Its hard to see in the photo, but they had an adorable cake topper made from little Lego men. Love, love, love. The cupcakes had a peanut butter flavor or a pumpkin flavor, while the cake lollipops with a lemon cake with a white chocolate crust. I really can't complain about anything except for the 5 pounds I likely gained while consuming these tiny little indulgences. 

All in all, this was one of the best weddings I have ever attended. Jamie and Chris both looked fabulous and planned a wedding that was beautiful, classy and really frickin' fun all at the same time. The food was very far above par, served hot and fresh, and I can't imagine anyone didn't enjoy it. The DJ kept the music flowing and the bartender (Ken--like the Barbie doll---we were clearly on a first name basis) had the beer and wine flowing. There was even pony dancing. #notashamed

Congrats to the happy couple! I was so thrilled I got to be a part of celebrating their very special day, especially surrounded by my amazing Phi Mu sisters and college friends.

La Belle Family Values
Join us later this week for WTF Wednesday: Brandon #3 and Blue Martini Monday, a Wedding Inspiration for Andrea and How I met Honey Boo Boo. You're salivating in excitement, aren't you?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

WTF Wednesday: Apparently I'm undateable because I come from a "broken home"

WTF Wednesday: Brandon #2 is just an asshole.

As we all know, I thought I had rid myself of Brandon #2 for being kinda flakey and overall weird a few weeks ago. However, last week he popped back up with non-stop texts and appeals for me to speak with him again.

I'm a sucker and a glutton for punishment so I did. I asked him why he had been so flakey and awkward to me. He "came clean" with me and gave me the following explanation:

You come from a broken home and I do not. You're perfect for me and would be the perfect girlfriend but my family is together and I want someone with the same situation. I've dated girls in the past from broken homes and it just won't work out, but I decided to give you another chance..."

UM ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I, of course, went absolutely ballistic on him via text message. Is he seriously hating on me because my parents made the most selfless and BEST decision they could've made when they DID NOT get married and recognized it wasn't going to work out and lead to a nasty divorce??? You can call me a bitch, you can call me fat, but DO NOT hate on my family. Especially for a scenario that I had zero decision in making.

Brandon #2 then continued on to tell me that he pictured me way hotter if I'm thinner AND that I should drink less (this is probably semi-true) and that I'm extremely materialistic because I like to buy shoes and go out to Happy Hour in Scottsdale (ummm....he says this like its a bad thing?).

And then, he finished up by telling me we should date because he wants to be in a relationship.

IN WHAT WORLD WOULD I EVER FRICKIN AGREE TO SEE THIS MOFO AGAIN???

Like honestly, really, seriously??? I don't understand. Maybe it was a big ole joke on me? But why seek me out, insult me and expect me to want to date you after all that? It must be a joke.

So, that's my WTF Wednesday. Brandon #2 is dead, gone, deleted from the phone and number blocked. SORRY I'M NOT SORRY.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Date Review: Guest Blogger Gone Lesbian

This is a friend of mine who is guest blogging for me tonight. She brings a whole new perspective to SGIEWW's Date Reviews...So, sit back, relax and enjoy the show...


Hi peeps. I'm one of Nikki's new friends in Phoenix. Represent. Without going into too much detail, I've always been into guys and then one day woke up and decided I wanted to date girls. There's obviously more to the story but that's all you need to know for now.

So, I figured the easiest way to meet someone was online. OBVIOUSLY. I found some profile themes: almost every girl is 5'4 or shorter, is a vegetarian and out to save the world/super into liberal politics. Many describe themselves as being nerds and a requirement is to like anime. I don't even know what anime is. A handful of girls online identify as being "polyamorous." Okay hi, I'm fiercly monogamous. Others who contacted me were heterosexual couples looking for a girl to informally join their fun. Another negative.

I finally get a message from a girl who actually seemed really cool. She's in law school, works for a judge, and has the same religious affiliation as me. She can also carry on a pretty good online conversation. We'll call her Jesse. She had several pictures posted but they were all of her face. RED FLAG #1.

We texted for about 2 weeks before we found a time that would work for both of us. I was REALLY excited to finally meet her. Maybe she would become my princess charming :) 
Now it was time for me to start freaking out. I had no idea what to wear. I mean, I know what to wear to impress a guy but what on earth do you wear on a date with a girl? I decided to just wear what I would normally wear. It was really nice outside so I went with a dress and a jacket over. Jesse later told me that I was straightest looking girl she ever met. I had so many more questions...like who was supposed to pay?
Within 10 seconds of meeting, she starts firing questions at me- am I dating anyone else, who am I out to, do my parents know etc. etc. etc. She told me she's been out since she was 13. I told her my story and she called me a "baby dyke." RED FLAG #2.  Her last question- Are you shy? NO I'M NOT SHY, I JUST DON'T LIKE ANSWERING A STRING OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS WITHIN 2 MINUTES OF MEETING SOMEONE. 
She was wearing all black with converse and had three pins on the left breast of her jacket. One was a feminist symbol and the other 2 had quotes on them that were too small to read without staring too long at her boobs. I'm assuming they was feminist related.

By now, we're walking down the street and I decide to ask her a few questions myself. We get into a whole conversations that leaves my heart beating angrily too fast. RED FLAG #3. She doesn't think gender exists. I mean, I'm all about women empowerment and equality obviously, but gender does exist. Like she doesn't think, in a perfect world, we should refer to anyone as he or she. RED FLAG #4...She thinks all heterosexual sex is oppressive. I just nervously laughed because that was only way I knew how to respond without engaging in a huge argument. I'm feeling pretty annoyed by now, and then I have to immediately act friendly because we "run into" her roommate, her roommate's girlfriend and their 2 other friends who happened to be at the same place. Yeah right, it was obviously planned. They probably wanted to see what kind of freak would go on a date with their friend. 

We are now sitting at a table and the waitress asks to see our IDs. The cherry on top of the evening was that we find out we have the same last name. My thoughts: Okay, not the worst thing in the world. I have a somewhat common last name, just a little awkward. She says, "Wait, do you think we're related? This is so great, I can't wait to tell my mom. It's not like if we're related I could impregnate you or anything." 
She thinks we might be related and she also thinks it's okay to date if we're related. RED FLAG #5. That's when I politely said I had to get home. 

I arrive at my apartment about 20 minutes later to find a Facebook friend request and a Words with Friends request from her. Oyyy. I'm not really sure how such good online conversation could turn into such a sour date. Clearly never seeing her again. I guess I put myself out there and will hopefully have better luck next time around...

Monday, October 8, 2012

Manic Mondays: Tales of Psycho Ex Girlfriend--- Two Shirts, One Greg

Two Shirts, One Greg

Welcome back to an all new Manic Monday: Tales of  a Psycho Ex Girlfriend. Its been a few days since we were all here together, as my mother was in town for a long weekend, finally visiting me in my "new home" (aka I've almost lived here for a full year???). Anyways, we had a blasty blast running around Scottsdale and hanging out. I miss being close to here. Here we are in the mall across from my condos. She's a good lookin' lady, eh?



Anyways, so I'm back for a few days before my little Phi Mu sister, Rachel, comes into town on Thursday. We're heading to California on friday for my GrandBiggie's super awesome and exciting wedding in Santa Ana...Orange County ain't gonna know what hit it. So, I am super duper excited and also excited because SGIEWW will be featuring its veryyyyyy first wedding review since I started up. (The first of many wedding reviews, I suspect). Anyways, I plan to do it 4 Weddings style, so if you've never watched the TLC Spectacular, I suspect you get with the program.

Anyways, enough about up and coming, let's get on with the juicy stuff. I was chatting with Tammy the other day and she told me I should do a Manic Monday on Gregalicious, otherwise know as College Ex #2. Greg and I dated throughout my senior year of college after I returned from Australia and broke up somewhere after I graduated. I dumped him. We both just kinda stop trying at some point and weren't really on the same page, although my family loved the shit out of him. Anyways, it wasn't a nasty break up-- we just ended up and moved on, never really looked back.

With Tammy's request in mind, I tried to think of ANYTHING cray cray that I did to Greg in the months after our break up and shockingly, I couldn't come up with A SINGLE THING for the past two weeks. Finally, I found one dramatic incident...the two shirts story.

As I said before, Greg was much beloved by my extended family. I don't blame them, as he was very charming and ultimately a lot nicer to my family than he was to me. He was extended an invitation to our mini-family reunion over 4th of July weekend at our place on the Grand Geneva Resort in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Pretty sweet deal for him, honestly. Ain't nothing better than a weekend of amazing food and drinks and pool time on a gorgeous resort. 

We were staying in the guest room of my father's townhouse on the resort and Greg left two dress shirts hanging in the closet after the long weekend was over. I was bartending in downtown Chicago and such so I didn't have a whole hell of a lot of time to drive back to Wisconsin to get them, so my father collected them, and, if any of you know my dad, they rode around in the back of his Escalade for the next couple of months.

In the mean time, Greg and I broke up. After we broke up, Greg relentlessly begged for his dress shirts and I either ignored him completely, forwarded him my father's phone number (he was pretty terrified to approach my father on the issue) or flat out denied him the shirts. The more he wanted them, the more I wanted to withhold the damn shirts.

Eventually, my dad donated them to Good Will, but even after, Greg was still asking me for them. This went on for a good year after we were in Lake Geneva.

Like I said, I have no idea why I felt the need to withhold his dress shirts and honestly, I really don't know why he went on and on about them. They weren't THAT nice of shirts. As I said, I dumped him--- I wasn't mad or bitter or vengeful....but apparently I was since I felt the need to control the forgotten shirt situation for months on end.

I suppose if that's the most psycho thing that happened, Greg got out of my wrath pretty damn lightly. Considering the other cray cray that has recently been inflicted upon my Ex, Greg took a walk in the park and maybe skinned his knee a little, but certainly nothing to write home about. I still don't even know why I felt like these shirts were the power dynamic in our break up. I was clearly delusional about how to drive men crazy at that point...good thing I have it figured out now!

Sorry, Greg. Maybe you can use the Good Will donation on your tax write off's next year.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

WTF Wednesday: Rekindling high school romance is stupid

Rekindling high school romances is stupid. Seriously.

Once again, WTF Wednesday comes very late into my Wednesday night. Wednesday is seriously the most exciting day of my week. If you recall last Wednesday, I pulled a practical all nighter after an outrageous happy hour and spent Thursday completely wrecked with a nasty hangover and wondering how many embarrassing things took place the night before. Today, I opted for a more low key night since my mom comes into town Thursday night and does not take kindly to people with hangovers, especially me. 

Earlier this week, my friend from high school, Ryan, called me up and told me he was coming into town for a week to visit his uncles in Phoenix. The last couple times Ryan had been in town, we hung out here and there but I mostly blew him off because I was busy running around this Mr. Restaurant Owner guy who I was infatuated with and ended up being a huge fucking asshole (SHOCKED). This week, I had pretty much zero going on, so we've been spending evenings sitting around having drinks, watching football and go to the pool for the last of the hot, steamy Phoenix summer nights.

Here's the history with Ryan. In high school, he was a football player, total jock. I was, well, a mean girl? I don't know. I wasn't interested in being in high school. I was overly developed and interested in having boyfriends and moving on with my life and using my fake ID at every bar in Schaumburg that Amy and I could fathom. I certainly was no cheerleader or popular girl. 

Ryan has a last name that differ by the last two letters from my last name. Since lockers were alphabetized at our high school, we ended up with lockers next to each other all four years. I developed a major crush on the guy because he has boyish good looks, really sparkly blue eyes and a nice football player built. He, of course, took about zero interest in me. At all. Ever. I gave up on wooing him eventually when I met Crazy HS Ex, and we became pretty friendly by the end of senior year. We graduated. I went on with my life.

Fast forward 5 years. Its 2011 and Amy and I are out for her birthday at Mad Mark's in Schaumburg. I run into Ryan. By this time, I've graduated and become a successful whatever-I-do-for-a-living. I've grown up, more stylish and sophisticated than I was in my trampy high school years. We spent the night chatting and catching up. I am now dating the Ex so we exchange number and promise to catch up again soon.

Fast forward another year, to the present. Last night, we sat in his uncle's hot tub until the wee hours of the morning, drinking rum and crystal light. He's still trying to find out what he wants to do with his life, working labor jobs here and there. I'm living the high life in Scottsdale. He's curious about what it's like to live out here. I told him its like living on vacation.

HE IS CLEARLY INTERESTED IN ME, YET MAKES NO MOVE. NO MOVE. NOT EVEN A SNUGGLE. But my, my...how the tables have turned. Wouldn't give me the time of day in high school and now is calling and texting every day of his vacation asking to hang out, even if we're not going out at all. 

So, as I'm driving home, he's texting me about how pretty I am and how much he wanted to kiss me and blah, blah, blah....I'm not like any other girl he knows and he loves how "together" I have my life (HAHAHAHA). How I make him shy because I'm so great...blah, blah, blah.

My point is, rekindling high school romance is stupid. I've been hanging out with this guy since high school and NOW he's afraid to kiss me. I don't think I even want a kiss. What is that even going to accomplished? He's going back to Chicago and I'm here semi-permanently. I certainly do not suggest he moves here for me, that's for sure.

He still has really sparkly blue eyes though. Dammit. Bah Humbug. Why do I get myself in these situation?

Monday, October 1, 2012

Manic Mondays: Tales of a Psycho Ex Girlfiend...Ruin his social life, ruin his reputation and lastly, ruin his career.

Ruin his social life, ruin his reputation and lastly, ruin his career.

I'm actually about 4 martinis deep right now so bare with me for bad spelling and dramatic half truths. Tiffany and I went out to Blue Martini tonight...we had a lot of martinis...and we had a ton of food...and our tab was still under $30, which is ACTUALLY mathematically impossible since each martini is $14. I guess we're in pretty good over there. I'm still 3 days away from becoming the Mayor on 4Square, but my friends are starting to ask if I own stock in Blue Martini....whatevs. I got to see my sexy man friend play guitar all night, as well as stare at the equally sexy bartender, Troy, all while watching the Bears kick the Cowboys' asses and getting drunk. Perfect Monday.

I have a bunch of updates in the man department but we'll save that for another day this week. Right now, I want to conclude the story of last Wednesday night, which you may recall resulted in a 3:36am bedtime for me due to copious amounts of drinking.

One of the highlights of the night was meeting this guy who runs a company call CFO on Call, which is a hired gun CFO for start up companies. Funny story, the Ex runs the exact same type of company. I was a few martinis in already so I couldn't help but let vengeful Nikki out to continue causing havoc for the Ex. 

In the past few months, I've explained how I've stole all his friends, sent him books, stole all his beverage, claimed he was selling a fish tank on Craigslist, among other fun and semi-dramatic tactics to destroy his livelihood as he knew it. Well, last on the list is to destroy the company he's been building for months.

Because I am a fairly saavy corporate bitch, he trusted me with a ton of information and such that he probably shouldn't have. He never made me sign a non-disclosure agreement for his client list or his e-book that I was editing, or anything having to do with his business. THAT WAS STUPID.

Needless to say, when I met his main local competitor (they actually ever "know" each other because of twitter and some sort of networking event), I was more than happy to tell the CFO on Call all about what the Ex was up to, including the comprehensive list of the Ex's clients and their retainer fees. As I write, the CFO on Call is working on undercutting all of the Ex's contracts with those said clients.

Do I feel bad? Not one bit. Hell hath no fury like a Nikki scorned. 

In other new, Brandon #2 is out. Brandon #1 is back in. Jerry from the Match Mixer is still hanging about...and yes, I did get my one date in this past week (for all those concerned citizens). I just haven't had the chance to blog about this shiznits yet. 

Until tomorrow, Bitches!