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Monday, September 3, 2012

Manic Mondays: The Power of Craigslist...Tales of a Psycho Ex Girlfriend

Do you know how powerful a firm grip of using Craigslist can be? Especially when it comings to "helping" your ex-boyfriend...I do.

I know I've been MIA this week, so kill me. It was a holiday weekend and I'm in my hometown so CLEARLY I am out running around with my old high school friends on our old suburban stomping grounds. This weekend was extremely amusing to say the least and I certainly got some GREAT material for a few upcoming blogs. I also spent time up in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, out on my boat, getting my tan on and motorboatin' round the lake with my family. Anyways, pinky promises that I will pull myself together this week and blog like I've never blogged before. Even though I'm exhausted right now, I wanted to share with you a recent tale from a psycho ex girlfriend before I pass out tonight.

So, I will be the first to admit that I love Craigslist. I really do. I like to sell jewelry my ex's have given to me at absurdly low prices on there. I like to read the missed connections and see if there are any about me. I like to occasionally check out the dating section because its actually hilarious and basically the best way to waste four hours of your life. Anyways, Craigslist serves many different purposes for many different people, whether its a sexy massage or adopting a pet or buying a used car. Its incredibly shady, but so am I, so whatever, I embrace it.

Recently, I was rather drunk after happy hour and browsing Craigslist for Pomeranian puppies to adopt (like I can even remember to feed myself regularly???). In the pets sections of Craigslist, there are an obscene amount of HUGE...like take up an entire wall....HUGE fish tanks for sale for obscenely high prices. This immediately reminded me of a certain ex boyfriend I had with a huge fish tank himself. I thought it was hideous and constantly encouraged him to ditch the fish because it lit up his entire bedroom...and I need complete darkness to sleep. Selfish, yes? Not the point.

So, because I was drunk and forever bitter over any break up really, I decided to help him get a head start on that fish tank for sale. Now, I don't really even know if he has the fish OR the fish tank any more because we dated a while ago...but I felt this was a superior and helpful idea. So, I posted this ad on his behalf...

He doesn't need money, so I decided to make it free to a good home. Just added his phone number right in there at the bottom so all the weirdos who want a huge, obtrusive fish tank for the low, low cost of nothing can get in touch with him right away. Apparently fish tanks are super expensive so this is really a great deal and I knew he would expect a ton of calls.

I actually do not speak with him any longer, so I have no way to confirm how many calls about the fish tank he actually received...and that makes me pretty sad. However, several years ago, I offered up a free bird cage on Craigslist (that use to belong to a Craigslist-Illiterate friend of mine) and I got approximately 70 calls about the stupid free cage in the first 24 hours, and randomly calls for weeks and weeks on end after that. I hope that his experience was much like mine.

I really am just so happy that I could assist him, even post break up, with this ridiculous fish tank. I know he's out there, wondering who took such fabulous initiative to get him on the ball with getting this tank out the door. I feel like this was the modern day act of writing on a biker bar's bathroom stall, "Call ***** for a good time".

Moral of the story: Don't get drunk and get on Craigslist. Nothing good ever comes of it. I have a few other stories about when drinking and Craigslist led to future insanity, but I'll save those for another day. Until then, let me know if you're interested in a huge fish tank...I know who has one. You may need to be pretty persuasive, since the first hundred or so inquiries left him dazed and confused, but seriously, I think he could probably use at least one more phone call about it. :)

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