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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

WTF Wednesdays: Match.com Mixers are just as awkward as you think they would be

Have you seen the "Stir" events by Match.com Commercials?

They're full of model looking beautiful people standing in swanky lounges with expensive looking, colorful cocktails in hand. They're all having a grand time and meeting the loves of their lives.

Let me tell you...an actual Stir singles mixer is nothing like this. Last night, my friends, Lacie and Tammy, and myself attended this ridiculous Match.com singles mixer. It was mainly for my entertainment and for the sake of new material for this blog. Honestly, we had a great time, but that's likely because there was a whole lotta wine involved, but hey, I would go again. It is a fun group of young people....for the most part.

There were a few things that just made this event ridiculous and hilarious. First of all, Match.com chose The Mint as a venue which is a very swanky lounge in Scottsdale where you need to dress to impress. However, they also had a political event going on inside for the first hour of the Match.com happy hour, so we were banished outside to the "VIP" area. Sure.

August in Scottsdale at 7pm is about 104 degrees. We arrived a few minutes late but in time to watch most of the attendees arrive. Of course, we headed straight to the bar. THEY HAD NO HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS. Kind of rude if you ask me. So, we stood around drinking $10 glasses of mediocre white wine and sweating profusely. WAY TO BE A BUZZ KILL, MATCH.COM.

So, let's talk about the people. We had a prime spot at a high top table right in between the bar and the entrance so we could look at everyone. For the most part, it was a bunch of average to good looking young people. I would say the girls were all fairly attractive and nicely dressed. They weren't super models or anything, but they looked nice. There were a couple of women who were severely under dressed and had horrible black roots spewing from their bleach blonde hair....that's akwardddd.

As for the men. Sigh. There were some good looking, normal looking dudes...but there were also some absolute weirdos and total douchebags. Some of my favorites include:

1.) A guy dressed as a cowboy
2.) A guy wearing hightops with his straight leg jeans tucked in
3.) A guy wearing a wife beater and standing on the edge smoking cigarettes
4.) Two guys with very heavy Russian accents who could not be understood to save my life
5.) A guy who lives in my apartment complex who was wearing a bedazzled white button up,

Although there were quite a few awkward creepers hanging around the edges of the event, I would say there was a solid 40-50 singles to mingle with. It kind of reminded me of a junior high dance...all the cool kids dancing, with all the losers and geeks as wall flowers. Eventually, we settled in to talking with a few guys when the heavens opened up and poured down on us. So, here we are, half drunk, laughing our asses off, soaking wet. At this point, we all scattered to get out of the rain.

I'm talking with this guy, Gabe. He's really cool, manages a shoe store in Mesa, overall nice guy. We're chatting away and he's all "you look very familiar, did you use to have an OkCupid profile?". Turns out him and I had talked a while back....clearly an awesome connection we had since I didn't even remember him. Anyways, I could totally see him as a good guy friend, so we kept chatting. Soon enough he's like "Yo, let me get your number". I was very flattered (although my mind is currently occupied with someone else) until he said, "Oh yeah, my match.com membership expires tomorrow so next time there's a singles mixer, you can let me know."

He doesn't think I'm cute. Doesn't want to ask me on a date...just wants to go to more Match.com events. AWESOME. What a friggin' charmer right? Anyways, I was highly embarrassed.

Tammy is stuck talking to this creeper with a tucked in shirt who followed her around in the rain for a good 15 minutes before she finally ditched him when we crowded inside. Lacie didn't have as much luck as Tammy. The dude with the high tops mentioned above was alllllllll over her. We tried invading their conversation. We tried walking away...he followed closely. We tried sitting at a table with three chairs. We tried huddling all together very closely. But no, he was still right there, up in Lacie's grill. In a a last ditch effort, we went to the bathrooms. 

At the Mint, the bathrooms are co-ed. You guessed it. HE FOLLOWED US RIGHT IN. We basically collapsed in laugh when he waltz in. At that point, he finally realized how uninterested Lacie was and peaced out rather quickly. THANK GOD.

The best part of the entire night happened right before we left. Lacie and I are standing at the bar, paying out tabs. The Mint has all but cleared out for the night, when there's a commotion right next to us. This girl with really hideous, tacky shoes and a very, very tight dress starts screaming, "YOU GRABBED MY ASS, NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY MY TAB!!!!", over and over again. Apparently when she butted her large rear end into the bar area, a guy "grabbed her ass" or brushed against her. She freaks out, starts grabbing his face, screaming, "LOOK AT ME! YOU DISRESPECT ME, NOW YOU PAY MY TAB!!!".

The bouncers dragged her out right as Lacie started talking mad shit at this classy broad. I, of course, am practically peeing myself, laughing so hard. Is this even real life?

I can't even believe I went to a Match.com Stir event, better yet that it was actually a really frickin' fun night out. I guess expanding my horizons is a good thing, even if I have eyes for someone else. Don't be fooled...Match.com Stir events are certainly not what the commercials promise but they are a whole lotta something else. Highly recommended if you enjoy being judgmental and have zero expectations of meeting someone to love for the rest of your life.

Happy Hump Day!


  1. I would kill to go to this sort of events with you! hahaha

  2. Hi,
    I wish there was something where there was some sort of prescreening. I would gladly pay for a night out with a smaller group of people with similar interests and....standards

  3. Check out scenergydating.wordpress.com we did a similar take on the fake match.com "Stir" commercials!