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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sunday Date Review: Guest Blogger, Victoria's date with a Hobbit

I wonder if his toes are hairy like a Hobbit too?

First off, you're going to start reading this and will quickly realize that this ain't good ol' Nikki. Yup, you're right. It's Victoria. I'm one of Nikki's sorority sisters and a HUGE fan of her blog. One of my favorite parts is how she tries to go on one date a week. I've since decided that I should do the same. Imitation is the best form of flattery, right? Well, tonight I went on a date and after it ended, immediately texted Nikki. She ever so graciously offered me a chance to be a guest, so here I am! Thanks bajillions Nikki, lovin' you to pieces! Here we go with my "guest appearance"!

To begin, I'm not a high roller online dater like Nikki, I don't want to pay for Match.com. Plus I've never really had too much of an issue with OKCupid. Also, I hate spending money. Oh, there's the Jew in me! Yeah, most of the guys are idiots, but it's fine. Sometimes they provide me with stellar pick up lines such as "Nice legs, when can I spread them?" Oh deary me.

Tonight I went on a date with Kevin Murphy. You'll note that I've decided not to change his name for privacy. This link is going to be posted on Facebook, and we're not friends. Let's talk about how frustrating that is for me. INCREDIBLY. If you know me at all, you know I'm a huge stalker. Well, it turns out there are about 493857294 Kevin Murphy's in this world. I also don't know where he went to school. I just know that he lives in Lynn, MA. I dare you to find him. And then pass on your findings to me. I'd love to stalk.

Anyways, the pre-date profile stalk. His profile showed an incredibly cute guy. His info said he was 5'5". As many of you know, I'm 5'8. Well, I'm actually 5' 7 3/4", if we really are going to talk specifics. I asked him how he felt about the whole height situation. Some guys are incredibly feminine and sensitive about height, which I cannot tolerate. I don't really care. I've been with guys shorter than me, and I never really cared or noticed. When I asked him about it he said, and I quote "It's so not a problem its not even funny. I dated a girl in college for three years who was 5'7. I'm short, and I've been short for a long time so I used it." Perfect, I thought to myself. Super cute guy, and height isn't an issue. WELL. In my head, a 3 inch height difference isn't a lot. Guess what? 3 inches is a lot more than I thought.  I don't know, the pictures made him look taller, even though I knew he wasn't. Zoinks. 

He looks taller right????
We met at this place in Salem, Ma (yeah, where the witches are, it's really not that cool), called The Willows. Well, it's really called The Willows Amusement Park, but it ain't no amusement park. There's a merry-go-round, and that's about it. There's a cute boardwalk where people fish, and an arcade. Also, multiple delicious ice cream establishments. We played some arcade games, in which he whupped my ass in every game. Not that he was great, mind you, I'm just horrible at all games. He did compliment me on my great hand-eye coordination in air hockey. I scored first. Just so we all know. We wandered along the coast, where I saw a side of Salem/the Northshore that I was sure definitely didn't exist. The view was breathtaking! 
We got ice cream, and I spilled everywhere. My hands, my legs, all over. Multiple times. Attractive, I know. At one point he accused me of being a hipster (EXCUSE ME?), because I wear Ray Ban style sunglasses like hipsters. And because I said I liked country music before it was popular. Anyway, it doesn't really sound like much, but that was the date. All in all, it was 2 hours, which is surprisingly long for not doing anything. We cashed in our tickets from the arcade, I got 2 Starbursts (I'm a winner), and he got a back scratcher. He walked me to my car, we hugged, he said we should do this again, and I left. Of course, I immediately called my best friend Jen to tell her all about it. 

Here are the facts:

1. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever. Holy moly. I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes. I was worried there would be no spark, but those eyes were ballinnnn.
2. When he smiles, I imagine it's what other people feel like when I smile. It's delightful.
3. He told me he was nervous before the date. And when I asked him at the end he said he still was. SO cute.
4. He made me laugh multiple times with some good zingers.
5. He works 3 jobs. When can he buy me something? Besides the delicious ice cream and arcade games from earlier.

1. He's the height of a hobbit. I wonder if he has hairy feet. WHO'S GOING TO BE THE BIG SPOON?
2. He reminds me of a guy from freshman year, who is not the coolest. I don't really want to open that can of worms.
3. He smokes. Ironically he was wearing a wristband that said "Cancer Kills". I pointed that out. Apparently I'm the only person to have noticed. 
4. He works 3 jobs. He can't snuggle me a lot. 

Okay team, this is what happened. I don't know what to think. I need someone to tell me how to think and feel. I know he's REAL cute, but I don't know what I want. I know I won't be clingy. I got a dose of my own medicine when some other shmuck from OKCupid texted me 7 times before I got the chance to respond once. Now I get it. I'll stop harassing people I like. 

This now concludes my guest appearance on the wonderful Nikki's blog. Thanks Nikki! I love you to pieces, and can't wait for your next piece! I wish I could write a blog consistently but I have commitment issues. I could never do journals as a kid. Continuing on, thanks, Audience, for reading through my date, now I really need you to tell me what to do. I'm your clay, Reader. Mold me! 


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