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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

So, I went to see a World Famous Psychic.

...And all I got was this hour long recording of her laying out my deepest insecurities and destructive behaviors.

That actually sounds far more abysmal than the reading actually was. In reality, it was eerily accurate and shockingly honest. It was absolutely worth every penny I paid to go see Joan, who is a full time psychic guide out in Glendale, Arizona. She also does phone readings, if anyone is interested.

Anyways, I showed up at her house, which is delightfully tacky, decorated with lots of little figures and crystals and such. It wasn't like hoarders status but it was cute...exactly what I figured a psychic's house might look like.

Now, this lady is not the Miss Cleo type. You have to make these appointment wayyyy in advance because she's generally always booked solid, and I absolutely see why. She isn't so much a psychic as she is a guide translator. She explained to me that guides are essentially guardian angels-- the little voice in the back of your head that says "this is a really bad idea" and help to shape your life by sending messages to you. If you don't listen, the messages get stronger, pop up in dreams or nightmares, etc. until you listen to them. Interesting concept, I suppose.

So, she started out asking me how long ago I moved to Phoenix, although I gave her no indication that I was not from the area. She knew I moved here for a guy and that my whole life was basically up in the air currently. Odd that she'd mention it, but all very true. My reading was actually a ton more intense and personal than I thought it would be. I was planning to post the entire thing here, but there was a lot of person things said I don't really want to share here, so I cut my 5 favorite clips from the reading out for you. Some are funny, some are emotional, some just interesting. Either way, I wanted to share.

Her thoughts on my fertility. 

Yep....I'm real fertile. OH AWESOME, JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED. I actually hate kids...let me tell you how absolutely diligent I'm going to be on this front, not that I wasn't before. CERTAINLY NEVER TAKING CHANCES. NO KIDS. NONE.

Listen to me have an emotional break down.

This is hard to listen to, even for the third or fourth time I've listened to it. She hits it spot on. This is also essentially like 2 minutes into the reading, she starts on this topic. She knew why I came and what I wanted to know. Like I said, its not an easy minute to hear.

Her thoughts on the Ex and his "Deformities".

This just makes me laugh when I hear it. How fricking ridiculous. The Ex was so incapable of normality that she thinks he's practically deformed. AWESOME. Clearly, the anger bitch inside of me gets a really big kick out of her celestrial roast of the Ex. At some point after this, she also implies he has erectile dysfunction or will soon--- I enjoyed that immensely.

The Guides' opinions on my heartbreak.

 Even if you don't believe in Psychics or Guides, you gotta admit the lady has some real insight into the events here. She nailed it. You want to know why I write a blog? Its because I was anger as hell and had to get rid of it some how. I hate how accurate this assessment is. It just feels shitty.

Predictions on the men in my near future.

I think I know who both of these men are already. We'll see if I'm right. I take this with a grain of salt, but hey, it sounds like I have some great people coming into my life soon...and eventually a husband. That's all I can ask for right now. Playin' it cool.

Anyways, you don't have to believe in guides or psychics to realize that this was a really cool experience. I don't care what her intuition comes from, all I know is that its super accurate. I can't explain it either way. I'm not sure that this gave me peace of mind or if it just re-enforced all the things I pretty much knew were buried deep down inside. So, I'm happy with all of this. I don't know what I'm doing with this information, likely nothing, but hey, I'll take all the advice I can get.


  1. Your going to have the Brady Bunch!! I know it!! Love you

  2. this was AWESOME. i want her to do mine!!