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Monday, August 20, 2012

Manic Mondays: Tales from a Psycho Ex Girlfriend---Don't sleep with my ex, or you will be miserable.

There's even some stories I'm not proud to tell...

Its true. There are stories in the vault of the Psycho Ex Girlfriend that I'm ashamed I ever participated in. They are so immature and cruel that I don't even want to re-tell them, but this story is being told because, well, as cruel and horrible as it is, its still a little bit hilarious. Most people who read my blog know the great circumstances that lead up to this culminating event, but they're not important because they were pretty much all equally as immature but not nearly as hilarious. Anyways, I also feel a bit bad because eventually the ex in this story and I worked out our shit and became really close friends...but it took years. I'm sure he won't appreciate the internet reading this tale, because, unlike me, is intensely private and closed off from public society. OH WELL. 

Background Information Critical to Understanding

So, circa early 2009, the love of my life and I broke out. I was stupid. I was scared. And I had no idea what to do with myself, other than push everyone who loved me out of my life, including him. I need to explain that this guy, who will now be known as College Ex, saved me. I had a super mean, super crazy boyfriend in high school who treated me like the purest of shit. College Ex and I met in the first class of the first year of college and were together from that point on. We were best friends and he was so damn nice. I slowly let my guard down and we had frickin' amazing times together. It helps that he had an Adonis body and was basically the hottest guy in the freshman class....perhaps these are only my opinions, but hey, it counts for something.

Anyways, when we broke up, we had 100% mutual friends and were living together. I really picked a superb time to break up with him, huh? Shortly after that, I realized I had made a horrendous mistake and wanted him back. He said no, which caused me to become intensely angered and started WWIII on campus. I was really in quite a state of mind. Warpath of destruction. Tornado of horrors. I spent the next 5 months going through the most hellish public break up ever.

The Incident

Some months later, circa Spring 2009, I found out one of my sorority sisters had slept with College Ex. I was still making College Ex's life miserable every chance I got. Very, very few girls were willing to go after him with me trailing their coattails. What also was going on the Spring of 2009 was that College Ex and I were working on getting back together....

....Needless to say, when I found out my sorority sister had slept with College Ex while knowing that we were working on things....I flipped a shit. Actually, I was quite calm in the moment. I will never forget when I got the text message from Steph, telling me about it. I was getting a pedicure at Tenley Nails and wearing a neon green tube top dress made out of whatever towels are made out of. I remember these details so vividly because I could actually feel my blood boiling inside my body...I just needed to wait for the right moment to release it.

I'm a proud human, but I am certainly not a calm being. I generally blow a gasket at least once a week, when my stress level boils over. In this case, it took two weeks for me to finally verbalize the absolute disgust I had for this woman and College Ex. In the meantime, College Ex was running about making out with every willing sorority girl he could while I was hibernating and stewing in my anger.

When the blood boils over

We were now in finals week and I was socializing in the library per usual. I never got any work done there. Sitting at a big long table of a mix of girls from various sorority girls, my sorority sister who had the audacity to sleep with College Ex had the BALLS to sit at the end of the table, just across from me. Something inside me snapped.

I ignored her, obviously, and began talking to another girl from a different sorority who's little sister had recently hooked up with College Ex. I kind of chatted about what a piece of shit he was before I slipped in "Well, he has herpes anyways so I really dodged a bullet there, right? HAHAHAHAHA". 

Then I packed up my stuff and left, leaving Ms. Sorority Homewrecker writhing uncomfortably at the table and darting her eyes around the room, waiting for someone to discount my statement. No one did.

 The Aftermath

I only feel bad because I feel like maybe a few other people may have heard my declaration and spread the rumor a little farther. He doesn't have herpes....and herpes isn't really a joking matter.

I never forgave the girl who slept with him. I hold her responsible because she was suppose to be my friend and bragged about all this to my actual friends before I actually found out. That doesn't say regret.

College Ex has since apologized for the incident, but I'm fairly certain he has no idea that I told an large group of sorority girls that he had herpes.

In retrospect, it was wrong of me to do it. I know that. Blah, blah, hate mail me if you want, blah blah. I learned my lesson and shit worked itself out. Karma has certainly bitten me in the ass plenty of time since for spreading rumors and acting like one crazy bitch.

Lesson learned. Being a crazy bitch doesn't make you feel better or make the pain go away. Just causes more pain.

Wow, this was a lot more serious than I intended. I'll be back with something fart more hilarious tomorrow.

p.s. Guess who asked me to play pool tonight? Hint: I'm excited :)

1 comment:

  1. wellllp now he knows he has imaginary herpes. oopsy.

    love your "i'll be back with something FART more hilarious tomorrow". idk if that was on purpose or not, but i find it hilarious.

    last: HAVE FUN TONIGHTTT

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