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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Meet The Brides

I can't even begin this blog without writing about my two leading ladies in my life. And God, do I love them, but in all their wedding bliss, I'm actually going insane. Of course I'm thrilled for both of them and LOVE both of their fiance's more than I love any men in my actual romantic love life; however, without a proper introduction, you can never understand the world I live in.


Kelsey is my low maintenance bride. We've been friends since early childhood and have always stayed close, despite the geographical distance that has existed between us since early high school. I consider her to be the sister I never had. When her and her handsome Army boyfriend, Matt, got engaged nearly two years ago, I was super thrilled for her. When she asked me to be Maid of Honor, I was even more thrilled.

Here we are, several years ago. I just feel really happy when I look at this photo.

So, here we are. Two years later, Kelsey and Matt JUST set a date for their wedding, about a year from now. Kelsey is basically the kindest, gentlest human on earth--- she just wants everyone to be happy. This is the absolute worst attitude for a bride to have. 

Don't get me wrong-- this entire blog has to do with my fleeting sanity caused by brides and the greater world involved romantically when I am not; however, you only get one wedding (in theory?), so it ought to be exactly what you want and how you want it. Today, I lectured Kelsey on all the reasons she needs to be a brutal bitch when it comes to all things wedding. She promised she'd try. Don't worry everyone, I've already offered my services in being a mean bitch to her---free of cost, even. I'm a very generous Maid of Honor, AMIRITE?!?


Amy and I have been best friends since the 4th grade. That's 15 years of cat fights, Backstreet Boy concerts, sneaking cocktails and getting into trouble on vacations. The list of reasons I love this girl are unending. Amy got engaged this past March to Jared, who is basically my boyfriend without any actual responsibilities. He's a real gem, according to my mother. Anyways, since the engagement, its been all wedding all the time and I'm good with that. I love weddings, I really do. Event planning has always been my thing. I was the social chair of my sorority-- I was practically BORN to plan parties. So, helping Amy with planning has been both a pleasure and a pain, namely because I was going through a heart wrenching break up in the midst of the engagement. C'est la vie.

So, this is Amy, squished between her hubby to be, Jared, and myself. We're only incredibly intoxicated in this photo, which makes it all the more "us". I refuse to believe we're adults yet.

But they're getting married...and I'm the Maid of Honor, so yeah, I guess we're adults. Fuck.

Jared and I have a pretty great friendship. He is really great for my best friend. Plus, he always buys me drinks and makes sure I get home safely whenever we're out. As you can see below, we're besties by proxy (and once again, clearly sober???).

There's a whole bunch of family drama involved in this wedding planning story. I won't go into it because its basically not my place. But some of it is really good...really good. Maybe Amy will let me post some of it on WTF Wednesdays, where you get to hear my rant of the week. 

Amy is the type of bride who isn't really a Bridezilla yet, but sure as hell, she will be eventually. I don't think she'd even mind me saying so. Everyday, Amy, myself and our mutual high school friend, Bogdan, have #workchat. Yes, #workchat, just like that---hashtag or bust. We spend all day in a group GChat busting each others' balls on politics, literacy and relationships. While Bogdan refuses to participate in most wedding talk, this is exactly where it all goes down. Six to eight glorious hours of discussing wedding plans, in depth, in detail. We talk about everything from guest lists to how to kick the lame groomsman out of the bridal party and replace him with Bogdan (Jared is coming around to our peer pressure). 

Amy has lots of opinions and knows pretty much exactly what she wants. This is nice, because it doesn't require me forming many of my own plentiful opinions (smile, nod, agree), and it gives me a clear path of what's to come. I'm preparing my Maid of Honor survival kit now, full of vodka, hash browns and Zanax.

Those are my main squeezes. The cheese to my macaroni. They couldn't be any more different, but I couldn't love either of them more. Despite my absolute ridiculous loathing of the "single" friend, I really, honestly couldn't be happier for either of them.

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